Guest post

As HSPs it is really common for us to care so much that we put others’ needs first, perhaps take on some of their energy or the emotional state of the world at large, and quickly topple over into a state of overwhelm and depletion. We don’t want to let people down. 

Earlier this week, while submerged in a bath with the hopes of calming my nervous system, my mind just wouldn’t stop. It was spinning about all the things I had to do. All the little to-dos I needed to remember to write down, all the people I needed to follow up with. 

As I caught myself spinning, I invited my body to move and shake a bit to let out the tension. I vocalized some sounds, and brought myself back to the sensations in my body.

And then a phrase arose out of the calm waters that repeated, “You don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to do anything.”

I didn't have to write a newsletter for my business. I didn't have to follow up with a client. I didn't have to buy my friend a birthday present before her birthday. I didn't even have to go to work the next day. The list goes on. 

As I repeated this phrase to myself, speaking directly to the overwhelmed part of myself, I slowly felt the tension, anxiety, and overwhelm dissolve into the bathwater. I felt my heart begin to open a bit. And I felt like I could start to relax into the moment. 

The pressure was off.

And as I began to feel the shift in my body and mind, there was simultaneously an opening that allowed me to feel a sense of inspiration to do these things out of desire rather than overwhelm or pressure.

It’s so important as HSPs that we tend our nervous system. That we take care of ourselves on a deep, deep level in order to thrive in a world that can feel a little chaotic and not understanding of the gift of being so sensitive. 

Part of that is slowing down. Letting the excess fall away. Letting the obligations, pressures, and “to-dos” melt into the warm bath water and letting ourselves just feel. Letting ourselves just BE. 

Sometimes we will need to just let things go, to not show up for the external world how we’ve always shown up in order to really care for ourselves and our nervous systems. 

I often talk about how this over-culture is dangerous in how much it expects out of us. 

We are not machines, and should never feel like we need to do more in order to be successful. To do more in order to just fit in. The pace at which we move in today's society is extremely unhealthy and unsustainable. 

I really feel that the entire world needs to slow down, but, especially us sensitives, whose nervous systems are wired differently. Who have so many much-needed gifts and perspectives to offer the world. But we cannot share these when we’re burnt out and depleted.

So sometimes the simple shift in mindset will provide you the energy to do what you need to do from a place of choice instead of anxiety and resentment.

For example, you don't have to pick your child up from school. But if you consider what would happen if you didn't, you may feel you actually really want to choose to do that. Or you may see if a friend or family member can do it instead.

This mindset shift is about bringing choice and agency back into your actions, rather than moving from a place of obligation.

So I wanted to share this experience with you because you, like me, perhaps want to care for others and care for the world so much so that you sometimes deplete yourself in the process. 

I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do anything.

I’m not talking about the literal things we do need to do to survive. I’m talking about the imposed actions that leave us feeling overwhelmed and like we’re carrying so much on our shoulders that we might break.

I’m talking about the things that if we don’t do, may feel like death - like not showing up at your kid’s soccer game. Like not going over to care for a sick parent, and asking someone else to do it this time. Like not going into work and taking a mental health day even if your team is counting on you. Like canceling last minute on a friend date. Like just not completing the assignment on time.

While I don't recommend canceling commitments willy-nilly, if you're depleted, overwhelmed, and are at a breaking point, sometimes it's best to just say no, even if you do really want to show up on some level. Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, even when it feels like there's absolutely no way out.

And hopefully, we can all learn to not carry so much to begin with, and live a life that's slower and more aligned with the ease of our true humanity.

GOING DEEPER 

Not showing up for others sometimes feels unimaginable, like a death to us, because a part of our psychological image of ourselves does actually have to die: the perfectionist, the rescuer, the hero, the good mother, the A student, etc. What does it say about your worth when you let that image go? Ask yourself, "am I still worthy and good if I don’t do _______?”

If a part of you believes the answer is no, then some deep investigative work is in order - this is a part of your shadow revealing itself to you. Start to question this part of yourself that doesn't believe you're worthy:

Who says? Where did you see or learn this? What is the archetypal image you're associating with (Perfectionist, Good Mother, etc.)? What does it mean about you if you don't do this? What is the worst that will happen if you don't do this? What is the best that will happen if you don't do this? How does your body respond when there's a possibility to rest instead?

Get really curious about how this part of you is thinking and crafting your life. Get really curious about how old this part of you is, what they look like, what emotions they feel, etc. It's only by bringing these parts of us into light that we can become empowered to not operate under their control.

So what is one thing that you could let go of today? What is one moment today that you can fill with yourself: with breath, with pause, with rest, with beauty?

The more we choose ourselves, the more energy we will actually have to our families and the collective.

You have my permission to choose yourself today.

For support bringing yourself out of your spinning mind and into your body, connected with the Earth, you can find a free guided visualization here: https://www.groundwaterhealing.com/groundingmeditation

Amy Terepka is an embodiment and Earth medicine guide to help you find a healthy and trusting relationship with your body aligned with a meaningful, reverent relationship with the Earth. Her work is based on a foundation of years of practice intuitively listening to messages from plants, the natural world, the body and energy field. 

Her practice, Groundwater Healing, focuses on helping you heal disconnection in order to stand fully and proudly in your body with a sense of ease, peace, and empowerment. She believes healing comes from a deep knowing of the Self, and hopes to facilitate an open connection to what’s happening within the physical and energetic body to allow healing on various levels. She loves working with heart-felt and sensitive souls who are looking to gain a sense of worth, meaning and belonging by improving their relationship with their bodies and the Earth so they can:

• Feel like they’re worthy and enough just by being themselves.

• Feel like they have something to give back. 

• Feel safe and rooted in their body.

• Understand the language of their body and learn to trust themselves. 

• Find a sense of belonging and place by having connection with the Earth.

Find out more about Amy and her work at www.groundwaterheailng.com

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Julie Bjelland is a psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, Author of The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person, host of The HSP Podcast, and founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community. Her books, blog, online courses, and free Webinars have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Her HSPs in Heart-Centered Business Group connects and supports HSP healers and practitioners. Julie loves connecting in her Sensitive Empowerment Community and warmly invites you to join this positive, safe, and welcoming space. JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)