I used to live life with the goal that everything is supposed to be perfect. I'm supposed to be perfect, those around me are supposed to be perfect and anything less than that was somehow failing.  This impossible expectation of perfection meant I always failed and so did everyone around me.  Wow, that was a hard way to live and I was miserable.

I've found that as HSPs it tends to be our default to be hard on ourselves and expect so much perfection.   I know I used to put a lot of energy into this.  There is something freeing about consciously letting go of perfection and reminding ourselves that life isn't perfect, we aren't perfect and those around us aren't perfect.

I have found that looking at nature gives us a lot of answers.  Nature doesn't bloom all year round, there are cycles of rest, dormancy, growth, blooming.  Even a seed needs to crack open to sprout.  Sometimes we also need to crack open to sprout.  When I'm in my garden and see a plant struggling I don't blame the plant.  Instead, I find out what it needs to thrive.  Sometimes it needs to have pieces cut off that are weighing it down to allow it to thrive. Sometimes we also need to cut out toxic people to thrive.  Sometimes I need to adjust the location or give more fertilizer or water less or more.  It's a balance. Gardens also change season to season. Sometimes what works one season doesn't work in the next season so we constantly adjust the environment and the care of those plants to help them thrive. What if we were able to do that for ourselves too? 

What if we paid more attention to what helps us thrive and bloom? What if we didn't judge those needs and instead just met those needs like we would with a plant in the garden?

I love this quote from Ram Dass

“When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is.You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”

I know many of us have received inaccurate messages that something is wrong with us if we have different needs to help us bloom.  But what if we remember that we can bloom brilliantly with the right care, just like an Orchid?  Why do we judge ourselves but we don't judge the Orchid?  

Being told we are different or wrong or "too" sensitive has harmed us and changed us in many ways.  It prevents us from doing what is right for us.  As we continue this grassroots movement to change the way we see sensitivity, we help each other and we help the world.  

Sensitivity is meant to be valued. It's a gift. You are sensitive for a reason.  You are needed in the world.  That I know for sure.  

It took a lot of work to reach a point where I fully accept that within myself. It's hard to be different and have different needs than the majority and I think many of us in this community are also HSP Empaths which means we are probably different than 95-99% of the population.  Of course, we feel different because we ARE different. But that difference isn't bad or wrong, it's needed.  The sensitivity you have in the world also makes you compassionate and empathic and care deeply about the world and each other.  It's also why it's powerful for us to be together with other HSPs to keep reminding ourselves and each other that how we are is right and good and valuable.  

Every time you cheer each other on and love and support each other you are doing something powerful. You are a part of that paradigm shift that values and honors sensitivity.  I hope you feel it.  You are changing the world when you learn to love and honor yourself and take care of yourself in the right ways that support your needs.  

Ultimately we can love and be loved at the level we love ourselves. If we hate our body and carry shame we also can't let love in for someone else to love our body. If we treat our body badly and don't listen to its needs, how will it function well? It's a cycle, just like the garden is a cycle. When we tend to the needs of the garden it can bloom. If we tend to our needs we can also bloom in our cycle.  

We can also rest in our cycle, without expectations of ourselves. When the leaves fall off the trees every year I don't think something is wrong with the trees because I know they will also sprout again because it's a cycle.  If I am tired or emotionally upset I know I won't stay in that space long if I take care of myself.  

What if we allowed a cycle within ourselves too without judgment?  There are cycles of seasons of life, transitions, grief, rest, sprouting, blooming...they are all natural cycles.  Sometimes during our hardest moments, we can pivot into a direction that we might not have found otherwise.  There is grief because there is love.  There is sprouting because there is growth.  

Is it always easy? NO. It's not. There are moments when it can be REALLY hard. But with consciousness, patience, tools, and support we can move through those hard cycles reminding ourselves it won't always be this hard at this moment.  

We can bring in a conscious intention that we can support whatever cycle we are in and that it's natural. We don't have to add a 1000 pound weight of judgment onto it. 

What if we replaced self-judgment with self-compassion? How might our lives change if we did that consciously? 

We've all been through so much and having an opportunity to reflect and become conscious about what our lives can be moving forward can be life-changing.  

We can choose to love and care for ourselves in the ways that help us thrive.  

We can let go of what no longer serves us and open to something that does.  

We can change our minds.  

We can pivot.

We can rest.

We can cry.

We can experience all the feelings deeply and with love. 

It's all ok.  

We can let go of the need to be perfect.  

Here are some reflections that came from HSPs in my Sensitive Empowerment Community as we discussed this further.

“As someone who talks to and makes medicine from plants, this post is near and dear to me! Imagining the same amount of understanding and patience I have for plants applied to myself?! WOAH”

'“Wow! This post hit me so profoundly. Perfectionism is something I've been working on for years. I just love the comparison to nature and having different seasons. Beautiful post, Julie!”

"I love everything about this ❤️ and it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from all the Harry Potter books - “Being different isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re brave enough to be yourself.” 🙂”

We have a remarkable opportunity within this beautiful community of HSPs to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, and to connect at deep levels often only we can reach with each other.  You are beautifully designed wherever you are in your cycle and you are loved and honored in this community.  ❤️

What does this all bring up for you?  Are there areas that you might want to bring some loving attention to that can help you thrive even more?  

I invite you to join us in the Sensitive Empowerment Community and see how being together will transform your life.

Have you explored my Free Masterclass: High Sensitivity and Anxiety?

Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses, take the Sensitivity Quiz and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSPs in Business Group is designed to support and empower sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs. JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)