Guest post

Have you ever noticed someone and thought, “She looks great”? This woman isn’t necessarily dressed well or have her hair done to perfection but appears relaxed and happy. 

You may think, “How can she look so happy? She must not know what is going on in the world or not have a lot of stress in her life.” Or “She can’t be a highly sensitive person. We live in emotionally draining times – she can’t possibly be relaxed.”

We know none of those thoughts are true about this woman.

There are women who are highly sensitive, have plenty of stress and have more challenges than others. Yet, like this woman, they manage it with ease and calm. 

What is this woman’s secret? Read more to find out.

The Difference between Dandelions and Orchids

I grew up in New York and liked dandelions. They filled the field in front of our manicured lawn with their sunny, yellow faces like a blanket in the summer. I loved picking them in the warm weather. I also loved being able to pick them later in the season as the flowers faded to seed crowns. I would make a wish as I blew the webby tendrils into the air. 

I love flowers, especially orchids, but heard that orchids are delicate and not easy to grow. Growing flowers or vegetables has never worked well for me. So, you can imagine my surprise when we purchased our current home in Florida, I found that I could grow orchids. 

What is the secret, for them to grow and flourish? 

Orchids need special, unique care. They thrive once you find the perfect spot. One where there is a bit of morning sun - but not too much. When they are super dry, they need to be watered. And when it gets below 50 degrees, bring them inside but keep watch, as it is dry indoors, too. 

Now, I have a question for you. Do you think dandelions are better than orchids? Or do you think something is wrong with orchids?

Of course not. Dandelions and Orchids are simply different. 

It’s been said that HSPs are like orchids and the rest of the population are like dandelions. For an HSP self-care creates the “perfect environment” for an HSP to bloom and feel comfortable in their skin. It is vital for their success and wellbeing. 

Just as the orchid needs a bit more care, a certain temperature and environment, HSPs need extra special self-care. This is the secret to an HSP’s magic - being in touch with their gifts-(Julie’s course Blooming Brilliantly) and the ability to be healthy and happy and truly thrive.  

For some HSPs, there is shame and embarrassment in the need for special care and attention. HSPs are reticent to share with friends and family what they need to feel comfortable and confident, both physically and emotionally. Because HSPs take in so much, it is easy to become overwhelmed and overstimulated. This causes nervous system dysregulation, feelings of anxiety, and being emotionally weighted down. 

The Ugly Duckling Story

What about ducks and swans. Remember the story of The Ugly Duckling? The ugly duckling felt like she wasn’t like the other ducks. When she tried to be like the other ducks, she was unhappy and didn’t feel like she fit in. Why??? Ducks are dandelions. The Ugly Duckling was not a duck but a beautiful swan (orchid). Are swans better than ducks? Of course, not! They are just different with different habits and needs. 

What are the best conditions to thrive for your orchid, swan self?

There are many avenues of self-care that are important. From taking time to nourish your body with a bath, getting plenty of sleep, taking a break when getting overwhelmed, staying away from foods and drink that cause problems to using natural lighting vs fluorescent lights. 

Finding just ten minutes on a regular basis for quiet or meditation or being in nature and seeing its beauty helps you regain that perfect balance of being grounded, confident, calm, and comfortable in your own skin. 

It’s interesting how many HSPs know how important this is but may not create the perfect environment for their orchid or swan best because of shame or embarrassment. 

Feeling confident in setting boundaries in relationships is part of self-care. Being aware of overdoing or over giving are important self-care moments for HSPs. 

The clues to your unique self-care as an HSP (orchid, swan self) lie within you- what you know and sense within in your body that makes sense for you. 

Being present in any moment, note how you feel physically, emotionally, or mentally. What are your unique needs? 

Listen to your self-talk and turn the love and compassion you easily share with others towards yourself. Honor what you need to be your best most authentic self. 

You are an orchid, not a dandelion. A swan, not a duck. Own your sensitivities, they make you who you are! Turning your shame and embarrassment into self-compassion will support you in moving your loving heart energy towards yourself. Remember, you are not a problem. There is nothing “wrong” with you because you are highly sensitive, intuitive or empathic and to be your best requires more self-nourishing care than it might for others.

Remember the woman above? She is a highly sensitive soul, but self-care looks good on her. This woman takes care of herself in some way, every day. 

Beautiful orchid, when you take the time for whatever you need to feel healthy, happy, and energized you are that woman who looks great because self-care looks good on you!

Happy Blooming,

Bonnie

Bonnie Snyder, Ed.S., CPC, DCEP has a background in education and counseling. She is a graduate of the Authentic Happiness Coaching program (Positive Psychology), has a diplomat in Energy Psychology and currently is an Intuitive Professional Life Coach. 

Bonnie is the author or a children’s book, Angel Violet’s Magic Wings. She also co-authored two books with Jan Rysdon on being “heart-thoughtful”. A Blueprint for Happy, Resilient Parents, Teachers & Kids, with simple, easy powerful to use strategies in school or at home to destress, manage emotions, and focus and Be Your Most Powerful Self, written for women to easily and quickly move out of overwhelm and “come home to themselves” quickly. 

Bonnie also designed the first and only Online Virtual Spa® at OwningOurSensitivity.org where you can de-stress and find peace and calm in 10 minutes or less. (If you would like the gift of a free three-month membership in The Virtual Spa please email me at Bonnie@DiamondPathways.com)

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Julie Bjelland is a psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, Author of The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person, host of The HSP Podcast, and founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community. Her books, blog, online courses, and free Webinars have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Her HSPs in Heart-Centered Business Group connects and supports HSP healers and practitioners. Julie loves connecting in her Sensitive Empowerment Community and warmly invites you to join this positive, safe, and welcoming space. JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)