Guest Article by Carolina Mariposa

Our youngest Highly Sensitive People (0-3 HSP’s) display their sensory and emotional sensitivities very early on.  It is so important for parents to become aware of the ways their baby or toddler is highly sensitive, so that we may support them in feeling safe, regulated and truly accepted for who they are.  The first thing many parents of highly sensitive babies notice is their temperament, along with how they respond to their environment and the people in it.  As someone who is trained in the Newborn Behavioral Observation System (NBO), I can say that even just a few hours after birth, it is clear whether a baby is able to protect their sleep by screening out sound and light, whether they carry high or low levels of tension in their bodies, and whether they are easy or difficult to soothe.  These assessment points are just a few examples of ways we may discern high sensitivity in babies.  When it comes to emotions and little ones, your pediatrician may tell you that there is actually a temperament category called “sensitive and intense.”  This generally describes a young child who is very reactive and difficult to soothe.  A little one who displays this temperament may indeed be an HSP.

As a baby grows, more aspects of the high sensitivity trait may become obvious.  In my experience as an early childhood mental health specialist, many parents of highly sensitive babies report that they have “fussy babies” who have persistent colic, difficulty establishing a regular sleep and feeding schedule, persistent physical tension, and/or long episodes of intense crying.  When food is introduced, they may also tend to be picky eaters, preferring a narrow range of textures and tastes.  When new people or environments are experienced, the sensitive baby may express discomfort or agitation vs. curiosity and excitement—sometimes the discomfort occurs in real time, other times it is delayed until after the experience.  Sensitivity may also manifest in a slow recovery time after a highly stimulating event.  For example, if you take your infant to a busy and loud environment such as a restaurant, party or sports event, they may seem off for a few days afterwards, crying more often and more intensely, having difficulty sleeping or even experiencing changes in bowel movements.  This is because their highly sensitive nervous system is on overload and needs time and repeated soothing to get back to a regulated state.  

As they grow into toddlers, highly sensitive littles may show more of their emotional sensitivity, which is intertwined with any sensory sensitivities they may have. This generally manifests as behavior on a continuum from freezing/dissociating to aggression or throwing extreme tantrums when overstimulated.  While it is completely normal for every toddler to change their emotions from moment to moment, a highly sensitive toddler may express themselves in a more intense manner.  I’ve known many sensitive toddlers who either withdraw in a dramatic fashion (i.e. hiding under a table and refusing to come out when entering a new room/building) or become very loud or aggressive in response to their feelings of overwhelm (screaming loudly, hitting, biting).  As they learn to speak, sensitive little ones who tend towards the “freeze” response may display the tendency to become less verbal when encountering highly stimulating environments or novel situations, while those who tend towards an aggressive response may become loud and harsh in their speech with others.

As a parent of a young child, you may wonder, ‘How much of this is hard-wired into my child and how much influence do I have on my child’s sensitivities?’  This is a classic “nature vs. nurture” inquiry.  One of the reasons I love working with young children is that there is such huge potential.  That potential is in the child, in the parents, in the environment and in the overall development of the child and family.  The ages of 0-3 are the most important in terms of brain development: during this time period a child’s brain produces more than a million neural connections each second!  Early experiences of relationships and our environment lay the foundation for how we will experience the world for the rest of our lives.  When we as parents and caring adults meet a young child’s needs for safety, healthy attachment, stimulation and regulation, they grow to be grounded, resilient, bright lights in our world.

When looking at highly sensitive babies and toddlers through this developmental lens, it is therefore important to both support their sensitivities and help them learn to cope with them.  Often when there is very early intervention, a highly sensitive little one will grow to be more resilient and skillful at identifying and coping with their sensitivities.  Young children learn to regulate and soothe their discomfort through the process of co-regulation or mutual regulation.  This means that if you as the parent are able to stay observant and calm when your child is overwhelmed or upset, while providing appropriate levels of stimulation and soothing, then your little one will develop increased ability to adapt to different environments and learn to better self soothe over time.  

Here are a few key things that every parent can do for their highly sensitive child, which will go a long way in supporting this important developmental process:

1. Provide predictable, rhythmic routines and activities for your sensitive little one.  Regular feeding times, nap times, activity times and evening bedtimes are very important in helping your sensitive infant and toddler learn to regulate their sensitive body and organize their nervous system.  

2. Observe your child’s reaction to sensory stimulation, people and new environments.  Also notice how skillful your child already is at self-soothing when encountering these.  Over time you will notice patterns of response, along with strengths your child already has.  

3. Experiment with various soothing methods to address sensitivities that seem to overwhelm your child.  Some common things to try are dimming lights in a bright room, reducing noise (turning off tv/radio, loud appliances), and testing responsiveness to different types of touch (i.e., light stroking of an arm vs. holding the baby close to your body in a sling). 

4. Experiment with gradual exposure to stimulation in the areas where your child is most sensitive, to help them learn tolerance and coping skills.   

5. Talk to your young child frequently about their sensitivities, labeling what you observe, and helping them cope.  

For example: You notice your infant startles and starts to cry when the blender comes on.  The first time you notice this, turn off the blender and soothe the baby.  Talk about how the noise scared your child and empathize with how loud and difficult it was for the baby.  Over time try different strategies such as placing the child farther away from the blender and counting to 3 out loud before you turn it on.  Say that you’re doing this so that they may practice coping with the sound.  As they get older, involve them more in the practice, for example having the toddler step out of the kitchen or cover their ears while you have the blender on, while also perhaps having them take some deep breaths or hold their favorite toy.

Many parents are able to attune to their sensitive child’s needs and support them in learning to cope with their sensitivities.  However, there are times when it is beneficial to get help from a coach or therapist who specializes with infants and toddlers.  These include times when:

1. You are having difficulty identifying the various ways your little one may be sensitive, and/or you aren’t sure what to do to support them.

2. You and your infant/toddler are experiencing frequent and significant distress that is wearing you down.

3. Your infant or toddler experiences a marked shift in reactivity following a major stressor such as a big transition, a significant loss or a traumatic event in your family.

Do you have questions about your highly sensitive baby or child?

Carolina Mariposa, is an HSP mom and the founder of Butterfly Grove, where she provides intuitive guidance to empower highly sensitive children ages 0-21 and their parents.  Intuitive guidance is coaching which combines energy healing techniques with practical strategies Carolina has acquired over the past 20 years as a child and family therapist and early childhood mental health specialist.  The inclusion of energy healing techniques is often the missing link for highly sensitive kids and parents, as it provides unique insight into our personal patterns and the relational dynamics within the family, including the subtle ways that our sensitivities impact each family member.  Having this insight, children, teens and their parents are empowered to validate each other’s experiences and grow even closer.

For more information please visit the Butterfly Grove website at https://www.butterflygrovehsp.com/about . There are links on the website to the Butterfly Grove YouTube Channel, Facebook page, Instagram and blog posts.

Carolina is an active and proud member of the Sensitive Empowerment Community!  Learn more about this wonderful group through Julie Bjelland’s website by clicking here.