20 Common Traits of Sensitive Autistic Women: Dispel Old Stereotypes by Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Autistic women have long been misunderstood and misrepresented, often overshadowed by inaccurate stereotypes and misconceptions. These stereotypes have not only contributed to feelings of isolation but have also prevented many women from receiving an accurate diagnosis. By shedding light on the common traits of autistic women, I aim to dispel these outdated stereotypes and provide a clearer, more accurate picture. Whether you are autistic, know someone who is, or are simply curious to learn more, these insights can help foster greater empathy and awareness.

20 Common Traits of Sensitive Autistic Women

1. Since childhood, you’ve felt flawed, different, out of place, quirky, or unconventional, finding it difficult to conform or fit in a box.

2. You favor meaningful interactions and deep connections with one or two close friends or family members over new group social experiences. Yet, establishing the depth of connection you desire can sometimes be a challenge.

3. You cherish alone time and need more of it than most. Your deep need for solitude is crucial; insufficient alone time can lead to stress and overstimulation, resulting in irritation, anger, crying, and difficulty concentrating. These reactions may further develop into anxiety, depression, illness, burnout, or complete withdrawal.

4. Engaging in superficial small talk feels tiring and uninteresting. You prefer deep one-on-one conversations on subjects of shared interest.

5. It takes you time to feel comfortable with new people, and In new groups, you might be seen as shy or quiet. When socializing with new people, you often feel anxious and out of place, wondering if you are “doing it right” or if people think you are “weird” or “different.”

6. You have strong sensory sensitivities across multiple senses. You have heightened sensitivity across multiple senses, such as sight, sound, motion, taste, touch, and textiles.

7. Eye contact can feel overwhelmingly intense for you, giving you a feeling of excessive vulnerability or intrusion. Eye contact, especially with new people, can feel draining and vulnerable, as if seeing into each other's souls.

8. You love being alone in your sanctuary space at home, where you can do whatever you want without obligations. Craving alone time, you relish the opportunity to immerse yourself in nature or dive deep into your favorite interests, cherishing the freedom to spend the day exactly as you please.

9. Social or work gatherings, particularly with unfamiliar people, can be exceptionally draining for you, often leading you to prefer avoiding them altogether.

10. Sudden alterations in plans can provoke intense stress and discomfort for you.

11. You tend to experience emotions intensely, and managing these strong feelings becomes particularly challenging when you're fatigued, unwell, or overtaxed.

12. Hosting people in your home tends to be exhausting. Your home is your sanctuary, the place where you get to be yourself.

13. You've often received messages suggesting that your natural way of being is wrong, leading you to cover up your real self (to mask), perform, and be “on” as others expect, which is exhausting.

14. You have intense passions and special interests and love learning, with a wide range of interests. You are often known for your excellent research skills and ability to absorb a lot of information quickly.

15. You have repetitive movements or sounds, whether it's fidgeting, adjusting or twirling your hair, biting your lip or cheek, picking your skin, playing with your fingers, dancing, tapping fingers or feet, pacing, bouncing legs, rubbing hands together, repetitive blinking, lip licking, rubbing or tapping surfaces, or humming, throat clearing, or other repetitive sounds or movements. Note: many don't realize this until asked!

16. When depleted, you might have emotional outbursts and carry shame over these bursts of anger.

17. Your physical energy is often lower than your mental energy and ambition, leading to frustration and burnout.

18. If you have to be in a group, you might prefer a leadership role because it provides clarity, control, and predictability, reducing anxiety and uncertainty. Leadership positions involve defined responsibilities and direct, goal-directed communication, which minimizes social ambiguity and leverages your strengths in organization and analysis while minimizing draining small talk and casual interactions.

19. Your preferred communication style is honest, direct, and clear, avoiding ambiguity and indirect language. You appreciate straightforwardness and transparency in conversations, as it reduces misunderstandings and anxiety.

20. You often notice details that others miss and can become deeply immersed in activities that capture your interest, sometimes losing track of time and surroundings.

Understanding the diverse traits of autistic women is crucial for breaking down stereotypes and fostering a more inclusive and accepting society. Each autistic woman is unique, with her own strengths and challenges. By recognizing and appreciating these common traits, we can support autistic women in leading fulfilling lives where they can thrive. Let’s move beyond misconceptions and embrace a deeper, more nuanced understanding of autism in women.

Get the Guide for Understanding Autism in Women

I’m Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Licensed Psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitive Empowerment, specializing in high sensitivity and adult-diagnosed autism in women. I love developing tools that balance our sensitive nervous system, reduce challenges, and help us reach our fullest potential so we may excel in our unique talents. I’ve created a global hub of extensive support, including online courses, the Sensitive Empowerment Community—a nurturing sanctuary—a globally top-1.5% ranked podcast, articles, free webinars, and more. My passion is helping create a world where differences are embraced as strengths and celebrated. Learn more at JulieBjelland.com

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