HSPs: How to Avoid and Heal From Toxic Relationships

A Quick Video sharing my own experiences and thoughts around toxic relationships and what’s important for us to know, followed by a full episode of an inspiring podcast episode I did with Willow McIntosh that I encourage you to listen to also!

I love hearing from you in the comments too.

Have you experienced a toxic relationship, family member, friendship, or work colleague? As HSPs we are such givers and many of us have experienced people taking advantage of our caring nature.  I want to hear from you about what you need as I develop resources to help HSPs thrive and have healthy relationships, friendships, and even work colleagues!

Listen to this inspiring discussion we had on The HSP Podcast about

How to Avoid and Heal from Toxic Relationships.

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and explore all episodes at HSPpodcast.com

HSPs tend to be over-givers and toxic people tend to be over-takers. This dynamic has been played out for many of us either in our families, friendships, romantic relationships, or even with work colleagues. Types of toxic relationships included in this discussion: Family Romantic Friendships Work Relationship stages Honeymoon stage (6 months-brain on drugs) Conflict stage (seek therapy early!)

HSPs tend to be over-givers and toxic people tend to be over-takers. This dynamic has been played out for many of us either in our families, friendships, romantic relationships, or even with work colleagues.

Types of toxic relationships included in this discussion:

• Family

• Romantic

• Friendships

• Work

Relationship stages

• Honeymoon stage (6 months-brain on drugs)

• Conflict stage (seek therapy early!)

• Deeper love

What we want to start with

• Do internal growth and empowerment work

• (A big Red flag can be we are not healthy, balanced ourselves) this is first priority

• In healthy relationships, we should feel comfortable to be ourselves and feel good around them, you feel accepted for who you are, they can compromise and be understanding, and you can work through conflicts in healthy ways.
  

Recognizing Red Flags in Toxic Relationships

• They might be very self-absorbed, not attentive, and have a sense of entitlement, and require excessive admiration

• They put you down,  you don’t feel good about yourself when with them

• Monopolize conversations or look down on people

• Ignore your needs

• Take advantage of others to get what they want

• Not willing to compromise or recognize the needs and feelings of others

• Become impatient or angry when they don't get what they want or receive special treatment

• Have significant problems in their relationships and easily feel slighted

• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior

• Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

A few questions answered

• If you can't cut out the toxic person and need to negotiate, how to protect your energies as an HSP?

• I’ve had to create some really strong boundaries with a parent, but I struggle with guilt and feel judged.  Any tips for working with the guilt and “shoulds”? I go in waves of feeling empowered or feeling “bad” or selfish?

• Someone wanted us to cover how to balance not overgiving and how to avoid toxic people. “I want to be open to friendships and relationships but have trouble knowing if someone is genuine and a good person. I used to be too trusting and now I’ve gone to the other spectrum of not trusting anyone because I’ve been so hurt in the past.”

Other thoughts to explore

• What was modeled in our childhood can impact how we view relationships and perceive what is ok and what isn’t.

• Seek therapy if you had a lot of dysfunction or abuse in your childhood or past relationships to shift patterns and learn what is ok and what isn’t.

Just because someone is disappointed or upset with you for creating a healthy boundary or saying no, does not mean you should have said yes.

Often the people who need boundaries the most will be the ones that struggle the most with you setting them.  It’s important that you set and hold the boundary. 

If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please reach out for support and visit the national domestic violence hotline that offers free, confidential support and many resources to help too at https://www.thehotline.org/ or Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) If dangerous, create a safety plan

Visit HSPpodcast.com to leave comments on this episode and see our bios.

Join the Sensitive Empowerment community, take the free Sensitivity quiz,  check out the HSP Practitioners Directory, and explore more resources for HSPs  juliebjelland.com

Please share this episode and review the podcast to help us help more HSPs! 

Take the free Sensitivity Quiz, listen to my HSP podcast, join my online Sensitive Empowerment community, and explore all my resources for HSPs, including my books and online courses at https://www.juliebjelland.com/

Julie Bjelland is a psychotherapist and founder of Sensitive Empowerment. As a sensitivity expert, her HSP podcast, books, online courses, and Sensitive Empowerment Community have helped thousands of highly sensitive people worldwide reduce their challenges, access and share their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Known for her ability to teach HSPs proven brain-training tools that work quickly, Julie is on a mission to empower sensitive people to live their best lives. To explore Julie’s valuable HSP resources, including her free Sensitivity Quiz, visit https://www.juliebjelland.com/