What Happens to You When You Don’t Practice Self-Care Versus When You Do?

I recently rescued a puppy and it’s been interesting in these first few days because I’ve been more tired than I have in a long time. It’s bringing me back to the days of having young children and the lack of sleep and vigilance required when they are babies and toddlers. 

I’ve been so intentional in my life about self-care that I’ve been living more balanced and grounded than I ever have before. So having this experience of being extra tired is reminding me of how I used to feel brain fog, depletion, reactivity, overwhelm, anxiety and depression before I learned about the trait and the tools to balance a sensitive nervous system. I’m remembering how hard it was to feel that and feeling grateful to know how to care for myself now and continue to be passionate about teaching you the skills and tools needed for wellness as a highly sensitive person!

One thing that I’ve done as a part of my self-care is to let go of every non-essential responsibility at the moment so I can focus on house training the puppy and tending to my own wellness and rest during this experience. That even meant I had to cancel two events and deal with the worry of disappointing people. But I also have learned through a lot of trial and error that if I don’t advocate for my wellness then I won’t be well.

I have learned that honoring my wellness has to be prioritized above everything and that’s how I can thrive in an overstimulating world not set up for highly sensitive people. 

This experience is also making me remember how important it is to be intentional about taking time for self-care. Having a couple of hours to myself with no responsibility helps me all the other hours. If I didn’t do it my body starts to break down and I end up having something go wrong. So I’ve learned that self-care and time to myself is a medical necessity for me and for most HSP Empaths. It’s a non-negotiable to our wellness in addition to setting healthy boundaries and advocating for our needs.

I asked the following questions in my Sensitive Empowerment Community…

What would happen to you if you do not practice enough daily self-care?

How do you feel when you DO take time to yourself and in nature? 

Here were some of their responses that I hope help inspire you too ... ❤️

• Oh boy does it happen really fast if I don't practice self-care! I've been on the right path since the beginning of this year, setting more boundaries, practicing meditation and yoga, getting into nature on my walks - they're all absolute necessities. If a number of triggers happen all at once, I'm still in a place where my health deteriorates really quickly, so I end up feeling flu-like symptoms, like an elephant is sitting on my chest, and so, so, so tired. When it does happen, I know there's something more to learn. This week, I opened myself to understanding more and found this space, all the resources, the brain training course - the most amazing things happen when I stop, rest, and listen to my innate intuition.

• My body lets me know when I am not giving it adequate care: Fatigue, heavy body, lethargic limbs or restlessness, can’t focus or concentrate, irritability, More easily emotional, More easily triggered, like my nervous system is buzzing. Wanting to eat crunchy things, feeling constantly “hungry” but it’s not hunger it’s just wanting to eat

• Thanks so much for the reminder of how important self-care is. I've been terribly remiss in taking care of my needs the past few months and it's finally catching up with me. Many of your descriptions mirror what I've been experiencing of late, so I thank you for putting into words how I've been feeling too. So today I finally took the time to meditate and I feel like a new person! For months I was so diligent in meditating daily and the rewards of doing so provided calm and balance, yet somewhere along the line, I got off track. Lesson learned...I hope!

• Since taking the brain training course I have become much more aware of self-care. Like many of us, I spend most of my day in front of the computer and have many days with Zoom calls. I find these very tiring. I have noticed that I have a tipping point in the late afternoon. I need to get away from the desk. If I go past the tipping point then my energy is drained and I find it much more difficult to recharge. It is very binary. I am absolutely amazed at the difference in my energy levels when I do take time for self-care.

• I actually had a big realization about this lately!!! Even though I really did not want to go to work and I was feeling overwhelmed, I kept going to work and did not call off or ask for a day off. Eventually, I started feeling so bad about myself and like I wasn’t good enough and wasn’t being seen or appreciated for who I am. I felt more clingy in my relationships and like people did not care about me, and I was wanting more outside validation. I felt neglected and all of the feelings that come from neglect. And then I realized it was because I was neglecting myself!! I felt neglected because I WAS being neglected, by myself. Just this realization helped so much. I also noticed that I start to just dissociate when I am constantly going and don’t have time for myself, so I’m just in a state of not being present. Now that I realized these things, I’m making sure to more mindfully be nice to myself and take time for myself and really listen to me and take care of me. Because I matter ♥️ And I’m the only one that can truly take care of me

• Thanks, Julie for this it was very validating as a mom of a young kid to hear how the demands of a new puppy were affecting you!

  I find it so much harder to get in the self-care I need vs before I had my child.

  For me it’s mostly emotional - I get anxious, doubting, less confident, and if it goes on too long, depressed. I lose motivation and creativity and become impatient and reactive. Life feels like a slog and I feel like I can’t get what I need and feel panicked and resentful. I get physically very tired too and more sensitive to sensory input.

  If this goes on for too long I get stomach pain or I get sick and can’t shake it. I had a tough patch in may and ended up with ear infections in both ears back to back and then a cold. I could feel the deep deep need for nature and rest but I didn’t stop and rest enough because of family and work/ financial demands and so it lasted 2 weeks but It was definitely a clear lesson that I need to make some changes to help me process things and feel better.

  I am working on reinstating more of the daily rest and nourishing things that I know I need - and experimenting with what works best has been interesting. I was having a daily nap but realized it was interfering with my night sleep and also making it hard to have a work break later in the day so now I’m doing guided imagery or sitting outside for a bit between dropping my child off and starting work in the afternoon than doing another break after work and before starting to cook dinner. This seems to work better

• I am super boundaried up!! I rarely let them down. If it doesn’t feel good, I will not do it. At work, I am a superhero boundary keeper😂 I no longer feel guilty about naps. I make sure I don’t stay up late too often. I eat to suit my body. I rest when needed. Acupuncture is my go-to therapy. I rarely stay down for long now.

• Not being a parent, and living alone, I often am amazed at how people, especially HSPs, manage a family. I'm always SO grateful that I don't have to work at incorporating self-care into my life...there's plenty of time and room for it. Kudos to all of you parents out there. Keep up the self-care, no matter what!

• Julie Bjelland, your sentence “I’ve learned that self-care and time to myself is a medical necessity for me and for most HSP Empaths” has stayed with me in the last two days. “Medical necessity”…I am beginning to see the truth of that. For too long, I’ve been telling myself I’m so needy, lazy, drama-filled, tired.

• Thank you, everyone, for your comments and especially to Julie for her insight. I had a really tough week last week. Just felt out of sorts, cranky, etc. I realized I was feeling overwhelmed with commitments. Now that people are vaccinated we are making plans. My life started to feel too scheduled. It took me a while to figure out what was happening. This week is better. I am finding that I need to set more boundaries. Even though I don’t have children and a significant other I still struggle. I am so fortunate I found this group😘

• I am sooo very grateful all of you are open and willing to share these things because that's how I learn. There are sometimes so many areas I am not even aware of. As a child and young adult, I naturally did things that felt right and avoided things that did not. But because it was something that I did naturally, when I had kids, I did not realize the things I needed. Sure I did some but again, I was not intentional and they were not enough. But being in this group and reading/listening to Julie's things has brought so much awareness to my actions and my intentions. As a parent of two young children (and one on the way), I feel stretched and exhausted most of the time. Sometimes my self-care IS taking care of my kids BEFORE they have a break down which leads to me feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. But I do know there's more I need to do. I've gotten better. But there's more I need.

• I start to get a sore throat when I’m really run down and haven’t been listening to my needs. Also very emotionally reactive and especially irritable to sounds around me. I tend to shut down a bit and disassociate by putting on a bit of a ‘mask’ to get through.

  I was never modeled self-care growing up so it is something I only really became aware of during my training to be a therapist. I struggle with consistency and self-compassion around that but it’s such a good reminder to think of it as medicine and a necessity. I do love the feeling of being in nature- it’s so refreshing and grounding for me.

  Thanks for sharing this reflection Julie, it’s so good hearing everyone’s experiences.

• I spent several days with my family in their home. I became quickly focused externally on everyone else, their house, their town. I forgot to take my vitamins, no exercise, my routine out the window. I did practice present-focused mindfulness which I planned to do. I did go into the yard daily. So, I didn't get overwhelmed, just really tired. I also lost touch with myself.

Did you relate to much of this? What happens to you when you don’t get enough self-care? Remember self-care for HSPs looks different than what the majority needs and it’s important to normalize that. Learn why many HSPs struggle with high stress and anxiety and learn what types of self-care work best for HSPs in my free Masterclass!

High Sensitivity and Anxiety

A free Masterclass by Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity.

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Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs.

Register for her free Masterclasses and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community.

Her HSP Dating Group is a safe space bringing together conscious, kind, caring HSPs (both Hetero and LGBTQ+).

Her HSPs in Business Group supports and empowers sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs.

Explore Julie’s website dedicated to supporting HSPs and download a free letter to give medical and mental health professionals about high sensitivity.  JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)