A lot of HSPs talk about experiencing anticipatory anxiety or panic. We tend to try to plan out every detail and sometimes when something is coming up that might make us nervous or overwhelmed we experience the anticipation of what is to come through a flooding of anxiety. In my Sensitive Empowerment Community, we had some helpful discussions about how to support ourselves through these difficult experiences and I wanted to share them with you!

Here are some steps to take to help support yourself the next time you experience this…

1. Pause. As soon as you notice (you will feel signs in your body first) see if you can pause what you are doing to catch the fact that you are cognitively noticing your body is signaling to you that you aren't ok.  What signals does your body give you in these early stages?

2. Breathe. Once you have noticed the approaching anxiety/panic you want to work on calming your nervous system and let your brain know you don't want it to prep you for fight/flight. This is a good time to put your hand on your chest and do the 4-2-7 breath technique 5-7 times (breathe in for 4, hold for 2, exhale 7).  The long exhale activates sensors in your lungs that send a signal to your brain to calm your system. This will lower your heart rate and get the cognitive brain closer to being able to support you so the emotional brain won't take over. 

3. Process. Decide what you need at that moment to allow some processing time and remove yourself from stimulation if possible. This is a good time to take a walk in nature, take a bath, journal, listen to a calming meditation, or do something creative, etc. The goal here is to connect with your internal world. 

4. Nurture your inner child with self-compassion. What are they going through? Is this a familiar trigger? Remember you want to be really loving at this stage or it won't be possible to understand the emotions and triggers. Going through the 3 stages of our self-compassion practice is a good chance for you to learn about your triggers so you can develop tools for them. (Acknowledge the emotions, normalize and validate them, and lovingly ask what you need at this moment). 

5. Do what you discovered you need.  After you have been nurturing with your inner child for a while, perhaps just comforting them through the experience is enough, or maybe you recognize a need for using a tool, setting a boundary, resting, saying no, rescheduling, taking time for yourself, or whatever you need at that moment is ok. Your goal is to get to a point you are using your cognitive brain to take the next actions, rather than a fight/flee response.  

6. After calming, learn from the trigger. After you have settled and met your need, it might be a good time to learn from the trigger so you can understand it and craft the tools you need. Journal about it, talk about it with your therapist or a supportive friend. What did you learn? Was it familiar? Is there a tool you might work to develop next time that might make it easier? When we are loving and curious with ourselves we learn. When we judge our reactions we just pile on a thousand-pound weight onto the problem. 

Some of the tools I've learned that help me. I remind myself….

1. that this intense feeling is temporary and I won't always feel this way. 

2. that I have tools in my pocket now and those tools help me. It creates a level of safety and protection.

3. I can ask for what I need, do things differently than others and that's ok, set boundaries, say no, and all of that is ok because I'm internally focused on what's right for my inner child.  Now that I'm not ignoring her anymore this process goes much more quickly. 

4. to be present, enjoy the little moments, the beauty around me, what I appreciate, etc, and that always feels really calming. 

When you use self-compassion and loving-kindness toward yourself and your inner child you can move through these harder feelings quickly.  

Keep rewinding that tape and learning from the triggers. 

Remember that self-compassion activates calming centers and self-judgment activates stress centers, so this is an area that will literally change the way your brain responds to what you experience.  

We have control over caring for ourselves through hard moments. It's up to us to decide to do this consistently. If we walk around ignoring our needs and are burnt out, none of this will be easy. But if you consistently take care of that inner child's needs over and over they begin to trust you and the anticipatory anxiety/panic starts to fade.  

Plus, if you are practicing the right forms of self-care (for you), then being closer to your center will also allow you to pick up on triggers in your body really early before all the stress chemicals even get released! Then everything is faster! 

I used to have so many anticipatory triggers that it would ruin my whole day.  For example, I might feel anticipatory anxiety about going into the busy city, worrying about sensory overload, or if I will get overwhelmed. Just worrying about possibly getting overwhelmed caused a trigger!  If I ignored it and tried to push through it, a huge meltdown would follow, which ruined my day, and whoever was with me.  Now, I notice the signs early in my body and can move through it and past it within minutes and enjoy my day and the trust I've built over time, which usually means I don't get the trigger now.  

I use these examples to let you know what's possible. If I am tired or depleted it is harder to catch early, so prioritizing my wellness and balance is always my go-to now. 

Now I choose to take care of myself and enjoy self-care, rather than waiting until I fall apart to take care of myself.  It actually takes longer to ignore your needs, fall apart, have to clean up whatever happened during the reaction, deal with guilt or shame from the reaction, and then the recovery time from all of that is long and exhausting! Rather than just taking care of myself in the right ways every day. Now I use my energy for so many other wonderful things instead!  

See how it's all connected? 

Notice how taking care of yourself now, will prevent a trigger later.

I asked members of my Sensitive Empowerment Community to share what resonated or came up for them after reading this and here were some of their thoughtful responses…

• This is a wonderful post, thanks Julie Bjelland. I will be saving it! I was actually thinking about this idea today. My friend is having a zoom event tonight with others I don’t know. I had an unusually busy and stressful week and I was feeling the anticipatory dread about the event, fear of socializing when I’m not up for it, Fear of overwhelm tomorrow from going to bed too late (my turn to get up early) but also dreading the guilt, fear of judgment and FOMO if I didn’t attend. But what was different this time is that underneath was a clarity - I knew what I needed and it was ok (I thought of this Group and all you HSPs! And stopped comparing myself to all my friends!). I decided I want to attend but only briefly and early on. I sent my friend a text saying I was really looking forward to celebrating with and I would be on the early shift tonight. No drama. I feel good about it. Off to the party and then off to bed. I’m so grateful for what I learn here 💕

• All great reminders to intercede on behalf of ourselves! I have spent way too much time and energy on herculean efforts to attend every invitation that came my way balancing demands of family, stressful job and long commute always worried about feelings of others if I did not attend. It was liberating to finally practice self-care and self-esteem not to entertain the "judgment" trap.

• This is a wonderful article, thanks for posting. It's one I wished I had years ago. I'm usually triggered at my workplace, too many things happening at once, too many people needing me. Because it's at work, in my mind, I must stick with it, endure the uncomfortableness. I never thought I could walk away, or take a break because I have people waiting on me. I was stuck. One job, I had no relief, so I had no choice I lived this way every day for 2 years. I ended up with high blood pressure and heart palpitations. After all the heart tests, my heart was normal. It was stress. Eventually, I got used to the noise and stress. Then, I quit. 

• I can massively relate to this anticipatory overwhelm you describe Julie. My norm in my corporate job has been to ignore it, push myself to burnout, and retroactively take action to remedy the situation. This has happened predictably for me on a weekly basis, burning out by Thursday or Friday, with some weeks worse than others.
  Recently, a parent had major life-saving surgery. I remember feeling anticipatory overwhelm in the days leading up to it, dreading that I had to go to work in addition to feeling so much emotional stress, but feeling like I didn’t have enough vacation time and wasn’t exactly “sick”. The surgery went so well, but I ended up having an emotional breakdown two days afterward. I ended up taking 3 sick days, going back for 2 days, and realizing I needed more time off. All in I took about 2 weeks of sick time to recover. I view asking for the time off I needed (eventually) as a big step for me, as I am not accustomed to asking for help. Hopefully next time I can find a way to support myself earlier.

• I attended a professional conference with colleagues who were presenting, and they were sooo nervous. I literally felt their anxiety, had a meltdown and used the bathroom at least twice waiting for their presentation. Came back, focused on the ground, and used breathing technique to calm. It worked. My first insight into empathic abilities and the power of the tools we need to manage it.

• I have discovered that my body only has three "languages" or sensations to communicate to me - so this article to remember to stop and feel my body and try to learn what the subtleties in what I'm feeling without quickly assuming it is something like anxiety is so critical as a first step in learning to truly hear what my gut is trying to tell me.

• This is all so important. It has changed my life to listen, really listen to my body and my inner thoughts and to understand the what, how and why of them and not just take them at face value and move on to something that I think is more important. I have learned I am important too and it is necessary to focus on myself because then I am a more productive and compassionate member of society than I otherwise would have been. 

• I am just beginning to understand how much my well-being is in my own hands and that self-compassion is always the correct answer. I find it hugely relieving, especially the fact that triggers will get less, and less intense. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and letting us in on this important process! 

• I'm looking forward to starting your brain training course. I have bought it for a while, but now I feel I'm ready to commit to it. I'm sure it's going to give me so many tools. 💜

I hope all of this has helped you understand that advocating for your needs every day will help you reduce anticipatory anxiety. If you want to learn more tools, I invite you to attend one of my free Masterclasses for HSPs, especially the High Sensitivity and Anxiety one.

Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs.

Register for her free Masterclasses and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community.

Her HSP Dating Group is a safe space bringing together conscious, kind, caring HSPs (both Hetero and LGBTQ+).

Her HSPs in Business Group supports and empowers sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs.

Explore Julie’s website dedicated to supporting HSPs and download a free letter to give medical and mental health professionals about high sensitivity.  JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)