Finding Balance in the Middle of Chaos

I didn’t start out feeling balanced in the middle of chaos. Quite the opposite. In fact, I used to feel chaos daily and if I didn’t have certain tools I don’t even know how I would be coping with the crisis of this global pandemic. I hope sharing my story with you can show you that no matter how out of balance you might feel or how impossibly hard things might be, it can get better.

During the peak of my anxiety and depression, everything felt hard and I just wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world. For years I had been wearing a mask trying to please everyone, but underneath my fake smile was darkness and fear. I felt different and misunderstood and thought my sensitivity made me weak. I tried to hide how hard everything felt and how sensitive I was. I pushed myself to say yes when I wanted to say no. It seemed easier to give up my needs at the moment than disappoint someone else. I would give and give until I was empty and depleted. I’d get my feelings hurt easily, end up reactive during emotional conversations, and be coated in shame after an emotional meltdown or explosion. I didn’t like who I was or how I felt and my negative self-talk was cruel. The things I would say to myself I would never dream of saying to someone else. Does any of this sound familiar?

Have you listened to your self-talk lately? Thankfully, mine is WAY better. I had to do a lot of internal growth work to get to where I am now. I got out of a toxic relationship, did the healing work I needed to do, developed tools, got to know who I was authentically, set and met goals, and emerged a brand new person. I’m finally living a life I love and that I chose! I have an amazing, healthy relationship that I always wanted, I’m the mom I want to be, and I have work that I love, that has meaning, helps people and the world, and supports my family. I get to make my own hours and accomplish the goal I set of living without an alarm clock or a boss! I can even take days off whenever I want. I’ve come a long way from the despair of survival mode to the embodiment of empowerment. I know you can too.

Empowerment does not mean perfection. Empowerment means picking up your tools when you drop them and creating new tools when you need them

Even during a global pandemic we can find balance and meaning. In fact, for a lot of HSPs this is exactly the right time to work on growth. I’ve seen people find that moment inside of them when they finally make that decision to take those first steps of change. I’ve always been fascinated by what makes someone motivated to change and take those first steps. Recently, I asked some HSPs from my brain training program, “What made you take this first step toward empowerment? Their answers tell a story. Do you relate to any of these?

• I want to stop getting to the point of overwhelm where I explode on my family. Things have to change. I'm committed to learning how to make that change.

• Feeling overwhelmed and needing to find a way to support myself better

• I have lived with feelings of extreme overwhelm for many years and it disrupts every day of my life. It has led to chronic health issues and hesitation with engaging in activities and moving forward with life. I am no longer willing to tolerate my life in this way and need to make a change.

• I realized I needed more brain-based, everyday techniques in order to honor myself in a world where I always felt I didn't belong.

• I am tired of living my life on autopilot. Wanting to live my life with intention is what started my search. Finding out that I struggled with childhood emotional neglect and that I experienced a deeper wounding because I'm an HSP led me to want to learn more about myself as an HSP and ways to thrive.

• I know I am gifted and want to learn how to use my gifts through self-care and skill development

• I do not want to live anymore with stress, health, and emotional problems.

• I knew it was now or never. I've lived too long with feeling hyper and hypoaroused, rarely in my window of tolerance. I want to be in a space where I can access my wise mind, healthy adult more readily so that I can be there for myself, to do what I love, and to be fully present and alive in every role - be it a son, a therapist, a friend. I've been doing mindfulness and self-compassion for some time, but it seems to me (after taking the HSP quiz) that I need more than that to thrive.

• I always thought my emotions, feelings, and reactions were just how I am wired. I am now realizing that I can make some real changes regarding neuropathways and how I react to stress. The Covid-19 pandemic caused a lot of anxiety and stress for me and feelings of being out of control.

• I am committed to doing this work so that I may prosper in an authentic way with my business, my health, my relationships, and my finances.

• I am wanting to learn more tools to work with being an HSP for more freedom in life. My intention & commitment are for deeper self-acceptance, love, and more thriving!!

• I was tired of feeling anxious, flight or flight, reactive mode. I want to find ways to live more comfortably and confident in myself.

• To help me acknowledge my extra sensitive feelings; recognize them when they happen and to learn to respond vs. react when they arise. And to calm my over-reactive nervous system.

• I'm tired of constantly feeling depleted. I am taking steps to feel renewed.

• I feel I would benefit in many areas of my life I feel less sensory and emotional overload.

• I will learn the skills and strategies to create a tranquil flow for my life while revealing the benefits of my HSP trait. I will find a way to love myself.

• I continue to feel depleted, stressed, anxious and overwhelmed and I wanted to change this. I want to feel joy, happiness, calm and peace.

• I want to be happier and more comfortable with myself so that I can have better relationships.

Which ones do you relate to? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!

I started a whole new path in life that led me to a beautiful, thriving, and empowered life and you can too. One step at a time. I know so many of you are struggling like I was and things might be really hard right now and seem impossible. I want you to know that there are many tools and resources for you that can make it better. I’ve committed my life to develop tools that work for how the HSP brain and sensitive nervous system experiences the world.

I cannot even imagine going through a pandemic without the tools that I have developed over the years and it’s my mission to help you through this time and give you tools that last a lifetime!

Here are the steps I recommend.

1. Learn all you can about the trait and the brain differences of those of us with this trait. I have so many articles and podcast episodes sharing tons of information about this trait and a free Sensitivity Quiz.

2. Develop these tools that support your needs as a sensitive person in a world not set up for the sensitive.

3. Be around other HSPs, in a safe, and supportive space like my Sensitive Empowerment community

You can get a free guide to calm your brain right away when you sign up for my free newsletter! An added bonus is that we can stay in touch and I can send you weekly support and tips to thrive as an HSP!

You are valuable and needed in the world and meant to thrive so you can shine your light!

Julie Bjelland is a sensitivity expert, psychotherapist, and author. Her online Brain Training program developed for HSPs and her Sensitive Empowerment community have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) around the world reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to truly thrive in the world. Known for her ability to teach people tools that work quickly, Julie is on a mission to empower sensitive people to live their best lives. For more HSP resources and to take Julie’s free Sensitivity Quiz, visit JulieBjelland.com