Train Your Brain to Adjust to Life Changes
This article appeared in the Sept/Oct issue of Energy Magazine.
Imagine what your life could look like if you finally felt control over your anxiety and had tools to support your life changes and upcoming events.
Many of us become stressed through the changes of life cycles or upcoming events we experience, such as starting a new job, moving, starting a new relationship, getting married or beginning a journey we are not familiar with — changes in health, the aging process or even menopause. So many of us have been through many changes lately while trying to live in the midst of a global pandemic! While events like the ones listed above can be stressful for anyone, for Highly Sensitive People (people with the trait of high sensitivity), events like these can be extra overwhelming.
Many highly sensitive people (HSPs) struggle with feeling overwhelmed when things are changing. We often try to plan ahead, prepare a lot and settle into a routine to try to feel more stabilized. Changes can make us feel out of control, increasing stress and anxiety. Many people experience high stress or anxiety during the anticipation of upcoming changes or while trying to adjust to major life events. HSPs often experience this anticipatory anxiety even more intensely, and this can have a big impact on our wellbeing. Fortunately, there are ways we can support ourselves through change, which I will share with you. But first I will share some responses I received that you may relate to when I asked a group of HSPs the question:
Do you find upcoming life changes hard? What about it is hard for you? Why do you think HSPs might have a harder time adjusting to change?
Here were some of their responses. . .
“It’s hard for me because I get so settled into a routine. Anything that’s outside of the norm, especially when it’s out of my control, rocks my boat. It takes me a while to adjust, recoup and get into a new groove.”
“I find major transitions so challenging! I feel ungrounded and find it difficult to regulate through that. For instance, the first two months of the quarantine were awful, but now the thought of going back to “normal” life - school for kids, in-person sessions, gym, more get-togethers - fills me with anxiety.”
“They’re hard before they happen. I get anticipatory anxiety about the potential of experiencing anxiety or discomfort.”
“I do very well with routine and structure but change sometimes makes it hard to maintain that routine and structure. For me, structure provides a framework that supports me as an HSP who is more easily overwhelmed.”
“I have a very difficult time with upcoming life changes. Relatedly, I do not like surprises at all! I echo what was said about having control over what is going to happen and being prepared. It is the tribe scout in me, finding the safest and best new location for the tribe to move to, and wanting as much information as possible to make an informed decision. I try to prepare for all possible problems that could come up, the vast majority of which I can’t control and never come to pass anyway”
“Anticipating the change is worse than the change itself for me. I struggle so much with staying in the present when I know a change is on the way... Even if I am excited about it, my brain worries about all the potential issues or things to prepare for. It drains me before I am actually living it! I understand it is my brain’s way of preparing and protecting. When I write down all the little worries, I can thank my brain for trying to help me be prepared. Then I tell myself I really do not have control over most of the things I’m worrying about and that I trust myself to deal with what is real as it happens. If I need to make a plan, I do. Change brings up uncertainty and being sensitive means wanting to not be taken by surprise, not wanting to be unprepared, not wanting to experience pain. I can have compassion for my natural desire for those things, but I have to practice doing what I can to make change smooth and then letting go... The letting go is always the biggest stretch... That self-trust is still not as strong a muscle as I’d like.”
“Yes, I definitely find life changes hard. I like knowing what is ahead of me so I can mentally prepare myself. Life changes are difficult for me, and I believe for most HSP’s because of the uncertainty change brings. Change upsets the things we can count on and forces us to find a new normal. I like and thrive on having some routine and certainty in life. Too much change, uncertainty or big changes make me have to think too much. I have to create a new routine and figure out how to make my new situation comfortable for me. This can be overwhelming. It takes a long time for me to get into a new groove.”
“Yes. Even Zen Masters practice daily with impermanence. I am not a Zen Master. I am getting better as a trained HSP. I speak more kindly to myself when I’m frustrated by change.”
“We get into a comfort zone because it gives us a level of certainty. That is where we can relax. I feel if we have a level of control over the change that is about to happen, or to what suddenly happens it will not throw us off too much. Having control means being as prepared as possible but without being a perfectionist so we can learn to enjoy surprise and delight when it happens.”
“I tend to interpret new things as a threat, while my husband (who calls himself a highly insensitive person after scoring 4 on the test) sees new things as a fun challenge. I think part of what is threatening about change is the amount of processing I will have to do, and the amount of energy that requires. We used to move often with four young children, and their emotional work plus mine in periods of transition was pretty intense for me. My husband just did all the things without the emotional work. He’s a wonderful, caring person; it’s just that his brain literally doesn’t do what mine does.”
“Yes, life changes are hard for me and for some HSP clients. I think it is that I get overwhelmed with all that I must do and then paralyzed. Also depending on the type of change (i.e. up leveling in my business, for example), it can trigger all sorts of things like self-doubt, or imposter syndrome. Going along with perfectionism and procrastination can trip me up -- I can take ages to do things along the way.”
“For me, it depends on what the change is. I am pretty much a creature of habit, plus I get attached to people and things I really like. If it is a change where I am losing someone or something that gives me joy, then I feel an enormous sense of loss and sadness. But I’m also practical and know that sometimes, despite the immediate sense of loss, in the long run I’m going to benefit from the change. So, I know it’s in my best interest to accept it and move forward. Not sure why it’s harder for HSP’s.”
Did you relate to any of the above statements?
I used to suffer so much from anticipatory anxiety of upcoming change that it negatively impacted every part of my life. Fortunately, I learned how to support myself with change and have developed methods that help train the brain to reduce the challenges. Now I have dedicated my life to helping others do the same so we can all live our fullest lives.
It is interesting to explore the neuropsychology of anxiety to help us understand it a bit more. In simple terms, let’s think about the nervous system as having two parts, and each part serve a purpose. The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is like the gas pedal in your car, and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) is like the brakes.
The Gas Pedal: The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)
Our ancestors survived because they paid attention to threats. Anxiety evolved to protect us so we can escape danger. When your body identifies something as a threat, it triggers the fight/flight response that releases adrenaline and prepares the body to have the strength it needs to protect you in the face of the threat so you can fight or flee. But for humans in modern living, we worry and stress about a lot of things that triggers the fight or flight system even when we do not need it. Stress caused by upcoming events, life changes and even self-criticism can all trigger the same physiological response as it would if a lion were about to attack you. That response is increased even more for those of us who are sensitive.
When in a state of anxiety and high stress, you might experience a racing heart, tense muscles, dry mouth, stomach aches and a decreased or nonexistent sex drive. If left untreated, and the fight or flight system becomes too overactivated. Anxiety can become debilitating.
The Brakes: The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS)
Fortunately, there exists a part of your nervous system that can give you feelings of peace and calm: the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). One of the most remarkable moments in my life was learning that I could intentionally activate the PNS, calming part of my brain. When I did that, I would automatically deactivate the stress centers, because they cannot be activated at the same time. This was truly a life-changing discovery! It meant that I finally had a sense of control and could live my life without anxiety taking over.
You can activate the PNS calming centers, and I will share some methods that are easy and have worked well for HSPs.
Slow Down. Fortunately, HSPs have more activation in their insula that gives us greater awareness. But you must slow down to pay attention to it. Part of the benefit of taking extra quiet downtime for yourself is that it gives you the chance to slow down and notice what you feel.
Take 5-7 deep, slow breaths, focusing on a slow exhale. Counting in for 4, hold for 2 and exhale for 7. This instantly sends a signal to your brain that you are not in danger and you do not want the alarm bells of the SNS activated. Because you do not breathe this way when you are in danger, it sends a signal to your brain to stop the SNS alarm bells. This breath technique activates the PNS system and is very calming.
Acknowledge what you feel. For example, saying out loud to yourself, “I am noticing I feel nervous about all the changes I’m going through in my life.” Naming the emotion (without judgment) is part of activating parts of your cognitive brain that can support your emotional experience. It is very important to support our emotions and not judge them.
Normalize and validate your experience. “It makes sense that I feel nervous about all the changes we are experiencing right now; I think other people are also trying to adjust to the changes.” It is a powerful experience to validate your emotions. When we acknowledge and validate them, they tend to soften. When we ignore them or judge our emotions they magnify.
Ask yourself in a loving way what you need. Maybe you need a break, hug, walk or some time in nature to feel a little soothed. Practicing this form of self-compassion sends a message to your brain that you are ok and starts to activate the calming centers that deactivate the stress centers!
Give yourself the gift of practicing these methods. When you recognize that your heart rate has increased, you have already released adrenaline in your system. It can take up to 30 minutes for adrenaline to be re-absorbed, so it is easier to practice these techniques before the release. It can take some practice, but if you pay attention to what your body is experiencing and slow down enough to listen, you can get so good at this that you can prevent the release of adrenaline and activate your calming centers more quickly.
When we better understand our experiences we can better support them. We know that we can intentionally activate calming centers, and that helps us in every aspect of our life. It changed my life and has changed the lives of thousands of HSPs all over the world. You do not need to continue suffering. Imagine what your life could look like if you finally felt control over your anxiety and had tools to support your life changes and upcoming events. You truly can train your brain. I am living proof of that! I would not be doing any of the global work I am doing to support HSPs if I had not trained my own brain. It is possible with the right tools and with practice.
You deserve to thrive to the fullest potential in life!
If you want to learn more about high sensitivity, you may like to take Julie’s free Sensitivity Quiz at www.JulieBjelland.com. If you want to dive deeper into more brain training techniques that work well, my course, Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person, Techniques to Reduce Anxiety, and Overwhelming Emotions walks you through a self-paced 8-week program that teaches you even more techniques that work quickly. Visit www.HSPCourse.com to learn more and here’s a special promo code to get the course for 50% off. Use code: ENERGYMAGAZINE
"Nurturing Compassion as a Way of Being" is a free course for Sensitive Empowerment Community members, teaching emotional resilience, relationship building, and self-compassion over three months, starting in September. Join us to cultivate compassion and boost well-being in a supportive space of like-minded HSPs.