How People-Pleasing Affects Your Health: Stress, Burnout, and Chronic Illness by Julie Bjelland, LMFT
People-pleasing often starts with good intentions—to keep the peace, make others happy, or avoid conflict. However, for many sensitive and neurodivergent individuals, this behavior can take a significant emotional toll, leading to emotional exhaustion, weakened boundaries, and a loss of self-identity. At its core, people-pleasing involves prioritizing others’ needs, feelings, or expectations over your own—often at the expense of your well-being and authenticity. While avoiding conflict and seeking harmony may bring short-term relief, this pattern can cause significant personal harm over time, especially for sensitive and neurodivergent individuals.
The Hidden Dangers of People-Pleasing
Losing Your Authentic Self
For many sensitive and neurodivergent individuals, people-pleasing can begin as a survival mechanism after years of masking or invalidation. By focusing on keeping others happy, you may suppress your own thoughts, feelings, and desires, leading to confusion about your true identity. The more you conform to external expectations, the harder it becomes to reconnect with your genuine self—a disconnect that can foster loneliness and dissatisfaction.
The Weight of Chronic Stress and Burnout
Continually putting other people’s needs first leaves little time or energy for yourself. This constant state of “yes” and avoidance of conflict can pave the way to anxiety, overwhelm, and ultimately burnout. If you’re highly sensitive, stress can feel magnified, and recovery time may be more extensive. According to trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté, prolonged emotional repression and unresolved stress can profoundly impact the body, contributing to autoimmune diseases and other chronic health conditions.
Struggling with Boundaries
People-pleasers often find it challenging to establish or maintain clear boundaries, leaving them susceptible to being overextended or taken advantage of. Flexible yet firm boundaries, communicated clearly, are crucial for self-protection and well-being. Without them, resentment grows—toward others for their perceived demands and toward oneself for allowing those demands to overshadow your own needs.
A Fragile Sense of Self-Worth
When your self-esteem depends on others’ approval, you risk losing sight of your intrinsic value. Over time, this external validation loop can erode confidence and make self-advocacy feel uncomfortable or even impossible. It becomes a cycle of never feeling quite “enough” unless someone else confirms it.
Resentment in Relationships
Paradoxically, people-pleasing is meant to protect relationships from conflict, but it often leads to unspoken frustration. When you silence your desires and needs to accommodate others, hidden anger and bitterness can build. This eventually surfaces in passive-aggressive comments, emotional withdrawal, or explosive outbursts—damaging the very relationships you wanted to protect.
Increased Vulnerability to Manipulation
Unfortunately, chronic people-pleasers may become targets for those who see kindness as an opportunity for exploitation. If you struggle to say “no,” you’re more likely to remain in draining or toxic relationships where your generosity is taken for granted or manipulated.
The Proven Health Impacts of People-Pleasing
Constant self-neglect heightens the risk of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. These states can weaken immune function, exacerbate inflammation, and increase susceptibility to conditions like heart disease or digestive disorders. The research noted by Dr. Maté reveals that social pressures and the compulsion to please others disproportionately affect women, significantly increasing autoimmune diagnoses in this group. Continuous self-suppression, when left unaddressed, leads to deep-rooted physiological stress that disrupts the immune system.
Healing Through Authenticity, Boundaries, and Self-Care
Breaking free from people-pleasing can feel daunting, especially if these patterns formed in response to early trauma or a lifetime of masking. Still, lasting change is possible when you have access to the right tools, support, and information.
1. Identify the Root Causes
People-pleasing often emerges from childhood conditioning, fear of rejection, or a longing for acceptance. Recognizing these origins allows you to challenge the assumptions that fuel your accommodating behavior—an essential first step to change.
2. Practice Saying “No”: Honoring Your Inner Child
Slowly introduce the word “no” (or gentler alternatives) to commitments that drain you or conflict with your values. Each time you decline an unwanted responsibility, you’re saying “yes” to your own needs—and metaphorically offering care to your inner child, who may have gone unheard in the past.
3. Set and Maintain Boundaries
Boundaries serve as emotional safeguards. Rather than rigid rules, choose boundaries that feel safe yet flexible for you. Communicate them clearly and kindly; this fosters respect in relationships built on honesty, not fear or obligation.
4. Prioritize Self-Care Without Guilt
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s a medical necessity. Engage in activities that help you decompress, whether that’s creative expression, physical exercise, or spending quiet moments in nature. Using sensory regulation tools—like deep breathing, fidget toys, or soothing soundscapes—can further reduce stress and encourage healthier boundary-setting.
5. Seek Support in Neurodivergent-Friendly Spaces
Healing often accelerates when you have supportive people who “get” your sensitivities and the nuances of being autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. Therapy, coaching, or group settings can offer accountability, encouragement, and tailored coping strategies.
Embracing Your Authentic Self
While people-pleasing may appear altruistic, it can have lasting negative effects on your health, relationships, and sense of identity. The healing journey entails reclaiming your voice, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion. Each choice to honor your own needs is a step toward living more authentically and safeguarding your health. Although unlearning lifelong habits can take time, every small victory is worth celebrating. You deserve the same kindness, respect, and attention that you extend to everyone around you.
Remember: Every time you honor your needs—however small or large that action may be—you invest in a healthier, more empowered relationship with yourself. Your well-being matters.
Resources for Continued Support
Book a Session With Me
I specialize in helping sensitive and neurodivergent clients create sustainable, authentic lives—improving both mental and physical health. Together, we can build strategies for boundary-setting, overcoming burnout, and boosting self-advocacy.Join the Sensitive Empowerment Community
Connect with like-minded, sensitive, and neurodivergent individuals in a supportive environment. Participate in discussions, workshops, and community events dedicated to reducing overwhelm and creating meaningful connections.Listen to the Sensitive and Neurodivergent Podcast
Explore people-pleasing, emotional regulation, boundary strategies, and other topics vital to authentic living. (The podcast is currently in the top 1.5% globally!)Free Webinar on Boundary Setting
Discover practical, step-by-step methods for creating and maintaining boundaries in ways that feel safe and empowering—especially important if you’re highly sensitive or late-discovered autistic.
About the Author
Julie Bjelland, LMFT, is a consultant and specialist in high-sensitivity and late-discovered autism. A neurodivergent psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitive Empowerment, Julie is passionate about helping sensitive and neurodivergent individuals reduce challenges, improve their mental and physical health, and fully embrace their authentic selves. Through her global support hub, she offers online courses, a supportive community, a podcast, articles, and webinars—all thoughtfully designed to reduce overwhelm and balance the sensitive nervous system. As a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, Julie is committed to creating safe, inclusive spaces where differences are celebrated and strengths are highlighted. Learn more at JulieBjelland.com.
People-pleasing may seem like an act of kindness, but it often leads to emotional exhaustion, weakened boundaries, and even chronic health issues. Learn how self-suppression, stress, and societal conditioning contribute to burnout and autoimmune disorders—and how breaking free from people-pleasing can restore your well-being.