When someone is feeling anxious or overwhelmed, one of the most effective ways to help them calm down doesn’t involve words at all. In fact, using your body language, breath, and presence can send powerful calming signals that help the person relax without you even mentioning their anxiety. This approach is backed by scientific research and is commonly used in therapeutic practices—but anyone can learn to do it.

The Science of Mirror Neurons and Emotional Contagion

One of the key concepts behind nonverbal calming is emotional contagion, a phenomenon where emotions are transferred from one person to another through nonverbal cues. This happens thanks to mirror neurons in the brain. Mirror neurons are a type of brain cell that fires when we perform an action and observe someone else perform the same action. For example, if you see someone smile, your mirror neurons activate the same brain regions as if you were smiling.

This mirroring effect extends to emotional states. When you're around someone anxious, their body language, tense muscles, or fast breathing may cause your body to pick up on their anxious energy. But the reverse is also true—if you remain calm, breathe slowly, and use soothing body language, their mirror neurons can pick up on your calm state, which may help them feel more at ease.

Slowing Down Your Breathing to Send Calming Signals

Breathing is a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety. When someone is anxious, their breathing tends to become rapid and shallow, further activating the body’s sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response.

By contrast, slow and deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the body’s natural “rest and digest” system that calms the heart rate and reduces anxiety. Slowing your breathing when you're around someone anxious not only calms you but can also influence your breathing through mirroring.

How It Works

When you slow your breathing and maintain a relaxed posture, you signal to the other person's nervous system that there is no immediate danger. Your calm state sends subconscious cues that everything is safe. Since anxiety is often triggered by the body’s perceived sense of threat, this subtle shift in your presence can help reduce your sense of fear.

1. Slow Your Breathing: Breathe deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth. This calms your nervous system and encourages the anxious person to mimic your relaxed state.

2. Relax Your Posture: Avoid crossing your arms or displaying tension in your shoulders. Keep your body open and relaxed to project a sense of calm.

3. Maintain Gentle Eye Contact: Soft eye contact, without being intense, can create a safe and non-threatening connection. This helps reduce feelings of isolation or embarrassment that often accompany anxiety.

4. Move Slowly: If sitting with them, make sure your movements are slow and deliberate. Anxious individuals are often hyper-aware of their environment, and quick, jerky motions can increase their stress. Moving slowly signals that there’s no rush and no threat.

Using Calming Body Language and Presence

Your body language plays a huge role in the signals you send out. People in an anxious state are hyper-attuned to nonverbal cues, so offering open, relaxed, and non-threatening signals can be incredibly soothing. Here’s how to do it:

• Open Posture: Stand or sit with open, uncrossed limbs to convey that you are receptive and non-judgmental. Closed-off body language, such as crossed arms or legs, can reinforce feelings of defensiveness or isolation.

• Gentle Voice: If you speak, keep your voice soft and gentle without rushing your words. This also communicates calm and reassures the anxious person.

The Role of Co-Regulation

This process is often called co-regulation, which is how one person's nervous system can influence and help regulate another’s. When we are in the presence of someone calm and regulated, our body instinctively seeks to match that state. This is why people often feel more at ease around those who are centered and grounded.

Studies have shown that co-regulation can help lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and decrease the amygdala activation, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear. By intentionally creating a calm environment through your body language, breath, and presence, you help the other person regulate their anxiety and stress.

Learning to control your nervous system through slow breathing, relaxed body language, and a calm presence can effectively send nonverbal calming signals. These subtle yet powerful actions can help soothe someone's anxiety.  

It also works well for kids!  It’s a simple, effective way to create an environment where you and the person in distress can feel safe and relaxed.

You can get more tips on regulating the nervous system in my course, Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person: Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming Emotions.