Understanding Emotional Intensity in Sensitive and Neurodivergent People by Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Emotional intensity is a common experience for sensitive and neurodivergent individuals, manifesting as heightened feelings that can be overwhelming or difficult to manage. While emotions are a normal part of being human, the intensity with which we experience them can sometimes feel “too much” or “out of control.” This is often compounded by how we’re conditioned to view our emotions, particularly if we’ve received messages that our feelings are “too big” or “too dramatic.”

Why Emotional Intensity Happens

For those of us who are sensitive or neurodivergent—emotional intensity can be linked to differences in sensory processing and heightened awareness. These differences mean we often deeply feel emotions, process them longer, and take in more nuanced information about our environments. This can lead to states of emotional overwhelm or emotional flooding, where it’s challenging to identify, express, or process what we’re feeling.

In my own journey of navigating the grief after losing my mother, I’ve experienced these emotions in a raw and intense way. It’s been hard to sit with feelings of deep pain without wanting to escape or suppress them. And I realize how important it is to allow those feelings to exist without judgment or pressure to “move on” quickly. Practicing self-compassion has been crucial in helping me understand and work through this emotional intensity.

Why Intensity Levels Rise When We Think Something Is Wrong with Us

One of the biggest challenges with emotional intensity is the internalized belief that something is inherently wrong with how we feel. When we receive messages that our emotions are excessive or need to be controlled, we may begin to fear or resent our own emotional experiences. This fear creates additional stress, making our emotions even more powerful and challenging to manage.

For example, if we believe our sadness is “unacceptable” or our anger is “unjustified,” we may start a cycle of self-criticism that intensifies those very feelings. This is particularly true for sensitive and neurodivergent people, who may have been told repeatedly that their emotional responses are not appropriate or valid.

How Practicing Self-Compassion Lowers Intensity

The antidote to this cycle is self-compassion. When we meet our emotions with understanding and kindness, we remove the pressure to change or suppress them. Instead, we allow the emotions to be what they are—a natural part of our human experience. This acceptance can reduce emotional intensity because it sends a message of safety and reassurance to our nervous system.

Rather than asking, “Why am I feeling this way?” which carries an undertone of judgment, we can reframe the question to, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” This slight shift in perspective can help reduce shame and anxiety, creating more space for the emotion to flow through without becoming stuck or overwhelming.

Strategies for Managing Emotional Intensity

Here are some helpful strategies:

1. Get into Nature: Spending time in nature can help soothe intense emotions. Walk barefoot on the earth, sit by water or trees, or surround yourself with greenery to feel grounded and connected.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: These are valuable tools for managing stress, reducing overwhelm, and enhancing inner peace. By bringing awareness to the present moment, we can better navigate emotions. I’ve created a series of free guided meditations on my podcast specifically for sensitive and neurodivergent individuals to support calm and inner balance. Listen to the meditations here. 🧘‍♀️

3. Label the Emotion: Take a moment to identify and name what you are feeling. This can help bring clarity and make the emotion feel more manageable. For autistic individuals, identifying emotions can be more challenging. Strategies include using visual aids like emotion wheels, tracking physical sensations (e.g., tight chest for anxiety), setting regular emotional check-ins, using mood-tracking apps, expanding vocabulary with emotion word lists, and working with a therapist.

4. Move the Energy: Gentle movement, such as stretching, yoga, or walking, can help release energy and tension associated with intense emotions. Our Sensitive Empowerment Community has several recorded yoga sessions specifically for the sensitive, free for members.

5. Sensory Grounding: Use sensory activities to ground yourself in the present. Hold an ice cube, touch something textured, walk barefoot on the earth, or listen to calming music. I also have a recommended sensory-friendly products page for the sensitive that lists my favorite essential oils and a calming device for healing and grounding.

6. Creative Expression: Writing, drawing, or any form of creative expression can provide an outlet for intense emotions and help process what’s happening internally. I’ve loved seeing all the incredible ways members of our community have been connecting through their creative expression, which inspired us to create a dedicated space for sharing and celebrating it together!

7. Self-Compassion: Practice speaking kindly to yourself, especially during moments of emotional overwhelm. Validate your own experience by acknowledging that your feelings are real and that it’s okay to feel them. What might comfort your inner child? Watch my free video teaching self-compassion here.

8. Work With a Sensitive Therapist or Coach: Working with someone who understands your unique needs can make all the difference. Check out our Sensitive Therapist & Healers Directory to find professionals who specialize in working with sensitive and neurodivergent individuals. You can also work with me directly if you want personalized support. Schedule a session with me here.

Discussion Shared by Fellow Sensitives

Many members of the Sensitive Empowerment Community have shared experiences related to emotional intensity and the struggle of balancing their emotions with societal expectations. Here are some key takeaways:

1. Impact of Childhood Messages: Many shared that they grew up receiving negative messages about their sensitivity and emotions, being told they were "too sensitive" or "overreacting." This led to feelings of shame and the belief that something was inherently wrong with them.

2. Complexity of Emotions: Members described how the push-pull of intense emotions, such as gratitude mixed with pain or love mixed with anger, can be confusing and overwhelming. Without the right tools or support, many turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

3. Validation and Connection: Several members emphasized the relief and healing of connecting with others who share similar experiences. Hearing others articulate their struggles helps reduce isolation and validates their emotions.

4. Societal Norms and Emotional Suppression: There's a shared understanding that societal norms often don't account for the natural variations in emotional experience. This leads to people suppressing their emotions or feeling they need to change who they are to fit in

5. Desire for Support: Members expressed a need for more support in naming and understanding their emotions, learning to listen to them without becoming overwhelmed, and finding alternative ways to soothe themselves without resorting to harmful behaviors.

This discussion highlights the importance of providing safe, understanding spaces where sensitive and neurodivergent people can explore, express, and accept their emotional intensity.

Join the Conversation on The HSP & Neurodivergent Podcast

I’ve been reflecting on these intensely emotional experiences and will share more in an upcoming episode of The HSP and Neurodivergent Podcast. This topic is close to my heart as I continue to process my own grief and navigate these emotions. I invite you to join us live every Thursday for these discussions.

Additionally, I host Thursdays with Julie just before our live podcast recording, where you can connect with me via video, ask questions, and share wins. Wins can be anything from setting a healthy boundary to learning to be kinder to yourself or taking a small step toward self-acceptance.

These are free events located inside our Sensitive Empowerment Community, which includes several specialized groups such as:

• Spiral Up – Overcoming Depression: Healing, Belonging, & Thriving

• Sensitive Sages – HSPs Aged 60+

• Autistic Women (Late Discovered or Suspect They Might Be)

• Soul Sanctuary – For HSPs of Color

• The Rainbow Room: An LGBTQIA+ Safe Space

• HSPs in Heart-Centered Business

• Your Self-Discovery Journey

• Julie’s Courses Discussion Group

We warmly invite you to join our kind-hearted family and become part of a community that truly understands and values your unique experiences. Learn more about our community and groups. ❤️

I’m Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitive Empowerment, specializing in high sensitivity, neurodivergence, and adult-discovered autism. I love developing tools that balance our sensitive nervous system, reduce challenges, and help us reach our fullest potential so we may excel in our unique talents. I’ve created a global hub of extensive support, including online courses, the Sensitive Empowerment Community—a nurturing sanctuary—a globally top-ranked podcast, articles, free webinars, and more. My passion is helping create a world where differences are embraced as strengths and celebrated. LGBTQIA+ and Neuroaffirming. Learn more at JulieBjelland.com

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