Episode 109: How to Protect Your Energy with Julie and Willow
Show Notes
Protecting our energy is incredibly important, and yet, many of us have not been taught this essential skill. How do we protect ourselves when we have to be around difficult people or negative energy? HSP Empaths particularly are more challenged by being around negative energy.
Are you an HSP Empath? Those that score 38 or higher on my Sensitivity Quiz might be.
We are also more gifted in reading the language of energy which gives us an incredible amount of information, most people miss. It's essential to know how to harness it, separate it, and protect it or we can be overwhelmed and overcome by it, absorbing everyone's energy, making it difficult to know where ours ends, and another begins.
In this episode, Willow and I discuss:
The language of Energy
Where HSP Empaths fall on the spectrum of sensitivity
Grounding techniques that are essential for HSP Empaths
The value of being able to connect to Energy
Importance of self-care and boundaries for wellness
When someone has a hole in their bucket Importance of separating and protecting your energy and how we do it
Connecting to your flow
How to read what feels right and what doesn't
What you are responsible for and what is not your job description
Understanding your value and growing self-love
Changing old narratives and reframing
Embracing empowerment
And More!
Please share and review this Podcast to help other HSPs. We love hearing from you in the comments and you can learn more about us at HSPpodcast.com
Explore all resources for HSPs at JulieBjelland.com
Transcript
Transcription by Kristin Cole
Julie: Welcome everyone! I am Julie Bjelland and we are recording live in my beautiful Sensitive Empowerment Community with Willow McIntosh. Hello Willow!
Willow: Hey Julie! Great to be here.
Julie: Yay! And today’s topic is ‘How to Protect Your Energy’ and this has been one of our most popular topics it looks like, right?
Willow: Yes, absolutely. There seems to be an amazing response and interest in this topic.
Julie: Yes, it’s an interesting topic to explore and I wanted to give a little background of how we even got to this topic. So when I first started out as a psychotherapist, my mission was to really spread education about the trait of high sensitivity, also called sensory processing sensitivity. Because when I first started, there was very little talk about it so my mission was really to stay in that lane, to talk about this trait, to make sure that it was valued in the psychology community, in the medical community, and in sticking with the science, there’s a lot of research behind this trait.
Then the more I really dove into this – and you guys who’ve been following me know that I’m absolutely obsessed with this trait and everything about it – the more I started realizing, there were a lot of people coming to me and saying “What’s the difference between an HSP and Empath?” It got me interested in exploring the whole Empath side of things which is really what led us to this idea of energy and the language of energy anyway.
In terms of sensitivity, there is a scale of sensitivity from low, medium to high, and those of us who score really high – many of you have taken my sensitivity quiz – and if you score very high on that as I do, I believe that the highest on that scale are also Empaths. So I kind of started to call myself an HSP/Empath and explore this idea of energy. I’m excited about this topic. There’s so much to cover. Maybe we’ll even need to do more than one conversation about this. But what is your experience with the language of energy, Willow?
Willow: Yes, yes! I’m so excited to talk about this topic actually. And yes, you’re absolutely right, I think there is definitely a scale in terms of sensitivity and some of us fall in different places on the scale. For some of us that have that score very highly on the quizzes and on the scale, yes, I think our levels of empathy increase. I find actually that nearly all of us as HSPs definitely have higher levels of an empathic ability and I think that the way you’ve described it as a language of energy is a really excellent description of it.
If we were to consider emotions – you know, the word emotion comes from energy in motion – because we have this ability to pick up sensory data more sensitively and we process it more deeply, it completely makes sense that we’re able to pick up on emotions within ourselves and of course, emotions within other people which is essentially what Empathy means.
I think this is actually a really important part of who we are and the abilities that we have. In much of my experience I find that it is our empathic abilities that makes us so good at the work we do in terms of coaching, consulting, healing which are the three key areas that we tend to be really good at. I think it actually helps us within the language of energy, it gives us a tremendous amount of data about the person that we are in front of or the environment that we’re in. As a result, it helps us to become that much better at helping people to transform, to grow and to do our work.
Julie: Oh absolutely! There are so many gifts inside of this trait and what I’ve come to know just working with HSPs all over the world is that the higher we seem to score on the sensitivity spectrum, the more gifts we have and also, the more challenges we have. I know from our past events – and I hope you guys have been checking out all the amazing conversations we’ve had on the HSP podcasts – one of the ones we did about toxic relationships, a lot of people wanted to know more about this idea of “How do we protect our energy? And what does that even look like?” I know, even more myself – I’ve seen that because I’m so high up on the sensitivity scale, probably at the top and I know Becca had a question about if there are intensities of Empaths. I do believe there is an even a scale in addition to that. So if you’re really high up on the scale, you probably have a lot of challenges unless you have learned how to protect your energy. It’s something I certainly had to do. Let me talk a little about some of the gifts first and then we can talk about the challenges.
I think some of the gifts I can even remember from childhood, I had the fortune of living on a farm for some of my childhood and got to spend a lot of time with animals. I could always sense how an animal was doing – and people. So that’s really strong for me, which helped a lot in my profession. But this ability to just read the animal was something that I could see other people weren’t doing. I think the higher we are on that, even that Empath level, the more we experience the world differently. If you’re really high up on that scale, you might be experiencing the world differently than 99% of the population, which is why so many of us feel like we are different. Many of us have received the messages that something’s wrong with us and I know Willow and I are so dedicated to try to change that message. If you can learn tools to protect your energy, you then get to really start to use the gifts of it. Right, Willow?
Willow: Yes, absolutely, and I totally agree it’s so important to start with the gifts and benefits of this because that creates the context for us to recognize that it’s an ability, it’s a gift, something to be developed. And yes, of course, there are these parts of it that we must be aware of in order to help us to manage the challenges that are present within in.
It’s like having a really strong antenna that means we’re receiving all this information but it feels like sometimes we can’t turn that off and sometimes we don’t really want to be receiving the information we’re receiving. Also, we don't want to have access to our energy open all the time. When it becomes tricky is when it feels like we’re out of control with this ability and it’s doing things to us rather than us utilizing it properly – if that makes sense?
Julie: I love the antenna analogy! I love that. Yes, absolutely. You’re right about that. I think that’s why it’s so important for us to talk about this because if we don’t understand energy and how to protect our own personal energy, what I’ve found is that even more myself personally, my energy just used to mix with everybody else’s energy and I didn’t know where mine ended and somebody else’s began. So if I’m around somebody who has very negative energy, a low vibration or who’s angry or something like that, it can feel so intense to me. This was a real problem for me in a lot of my life because I didn’t understand it. I know a lot of HSPs deal with that by almost shutting down. Some of us have learned how to shut down. Some of us have learned how to hide ourselves.
It’s very difficult in relationships to be able to hold your grounding. I even had thoughts about “How can I separate my energy and protect it because I also know there’s so much power in it?” I think about healers and leaders who have this kind of ability and many of us don’t recognize that we can have these extra abilities to take in this extra information. It’s like a whole set of data that the majority of people don’t have. What I’ve come to realize is that many of us don’t realize that other people don’t have that. I want you to recognize your gifts – everybody that’s listening right now, I want you to recognize that these are extraordinary gifts – and the more that we can learn to protect us and our energy field, then we can actually use it to our benefit more. Right?
Willow: Yes, absolutely right. Yes, 100%. It is a gift, an amazing ability and exactly as you say, that to recognize that not everyone has this ability. When we look at it from nature’s point of view, nature’s given 15-20% of the population this trait for a very important reason. It’s present in 100 species of animals. I know I say this a lot but it’s intended and nature has realized how important it is for quite a large percentage of the population to have this ability.
So developing the skills is very very important and yet, it is also just an important to manage and control it. I can remember one of the key pieces that used to happen to me and one of the key learnings that I had to develop. When I started doing 1 to 1 sessions - and I started to do them quite intensively - what I would find is that during the weekly period, when some of my clients were struggling with something or other, I would immediately start thinking about them. And what would happen is my energy would disperse and I’d feel myself trying to support them long distance. It used to take up a lot of my energy and I found “Wow, how can I switch this off in me so there’s a clear boundary of when I’m actually in service to my clients and when I’m not?” That does sound a bit out there, woo woo.
It was proven to me many many times that yes, my clients were struggling. Sometimes they’d reach out to me and I’d know as soon as one of them was going to email or text me because I could feel them struggling. What I actually learned to do was – somebody actually taught me how to do this – I learned that I was able to almost put a sheath over myself. Like a sheath that you would put over a knife. It’s almost like a roll-up blind that I’d roll down myself and I’d feel it going down my body. What that would do – the person that taught it to me said “What we’re doing is we’re actually switching our light off in the environment of the network of things.” It’s not to say that I was shutting myself off to my clients saying “No, I don’t want to talk to you.” It was actually just switching off the antenna. And I find it soo useful! It works tremendously, tremendously well.
What I would do with that is I would ask myself the question - whenever I feel a movement of energy coming to me or I feel someone asking of my energy or I feel my energy merging when I’m with someone else in a room – I immediately ask myself the question “What am I responsible for right now?” If the answer to that question is “I am not responsible for how that person’s feeling” and I don’t actually have a role to play at all in fixing or doing anything about it. And coupled with this sheath thing I do, it would literally switch off that antenna for me in a healthy and balanced way.
Julie: Oooh Willow, that’s so good. I love that. I think that is so powerful for people to be hearing too because we do tend to have this default that we feel so responsible for everybody’s stuff and to fix everybody. We’re feeling the discomfort or what’s going on for that other person and it’s so uncomfortable for us that we feel like we have to fix it. When we keep doing that, it completely drains our energy. And you’re talking about the merging of energy. You talked about really important stuff, both the conscious choice of making that decision that “That is not my responsibility and I’m stepping away from that, from my job description.” And the sheath thing you’re talking about.
I started to do something similarly too as I was practicing being around somebody that was making me uncomfortable or if my energy was merging too much. I would do this grounding technique and use my hands to purposely cut through the energy between myself and the other person. I could feel it as I was doing it. I could feel the separation of it. By having my hands run – if you put your hands out in front of you and you grasp your hands together and you move it through all the way from your head down to your toes – you’re separating your energetic space. In that sense, you could start to protect your energy and separate that energy.
It does take practice. When I first started this, it was a lot harder to do. I even think about how many years – I think we all have somebody, a family member, toxic people in your life, whatever it is. If you’re unconscious about that, it can really drain you so completely that you can’t even use this as a gift. But if you become conscious of that separation – some people like to imagine a ray of light around them, different colors of light around them, some people like to imagine they’re inside of a bubble and their energy is protected inside of that space. These are really great things to practice and if you’re brand new at practicing this stuff, you might want to practice it around things that maybe aren’t as intense for you and then work up to the people or situations that feel more intense.
Willow: Wow, I love that! My goodness me. There’s lots there. I really want to ask you actually what you were doing with your hands there because I bet 90% of us were all putting our hands out and doing a movement. I just want to be sure what you were doing.
I love the fact that you talk about the word “grounding.” Grounding is so important in this process! When we find our energy is taking control of us or someone else’s energy is taking control of us, it’s because we’re allowing ourselves to unground. That’s very much part of the problem. It certainly has been in my experience. By focusing in the moment and feeling my energy in my body and I feel that grounding mixed with the question “What am I responsible for?” and the other techniques that you’re referring to there, Julie.
I find that grounding is an incredibly important part of it because when we are ungrounded, it’s very difficult to make clear decisions. In my experience, that’s when I make mistakes. The flow of energy or if energy comes from someone – I feel it lift me up. Sometimes I feel a gap coming through me to the left and all of a sudden I disconnect from my power, actually. What happens is my mind starts spinning and I start processing and I start trying to fix and work out. “How can I stop this person from feeling bad? How can I fix that?” My mind doesn’t have any effect over it. It’s actually all in my center, in my core, in my grounding. When I maintain my grounding, then I am much more used to myself and I don’t get blown around.
Julie: Oh yeah, that is so important. Until I became aware of that importance of grounding, I felt like I was floating all over the place and I was really out of control emotionally and that impacted every aspect of my life before I did this kind of training and worked on all of this. I want to say that for those of use really high up on the scale, I believe we need to do a practice of daily grounding. Not just grounding as needed because it can be so much stronger for us. If you do the practice of a daily grounding, you do daily time in meditation, daily time in nature and you’re doing these kind of things that you’re connecting to the that internal GPS part of yourself - or that inner child - and you’re really grounding into that internal space, you will find so much more strength and resiliency. Right, Willow?
Willow: Yeah, absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. Having a regular schedule in place to make grounding part of our self-care schedule so there’s an affirmation of “I’m here, I’m grounded, I’m safe,” - whatever it is that works -because we are an energy body ourselves. We have our own energy. It makes sense to be grounded in the same way that electricity grounds. Or when you see a static electricity – when it grounds, it grounds the energy. So if we don’t have that practice of grounding then our energy will take over us. Because we feel everything so deeply, as soon as a there’s a big movement of energy somewhere, it can totally take control of us.
Julie: Yeah, and you could almost lose yourself. This is what I found too. You guys have heard me talk a lot about external focus - and I also see this in an energetic way too – if we’re so externally focused on the energy around us all the time, we start to lose the focus of our own energy to even know what that feels like to separate that, especially if you have to be around people that have a lot of negativity or toxic energy. You can almost absorb into you constantly and then it becomes you and now you are that.
Yet, there’s such a beautiful light inside of you that is just meant to shine bright and we need to protect that space. There are so many things to be said about this. I love what Salong was saying “We need to fill our cup before it gets poured out.” What an important thing to talk about too that because it’s absolutely right. We do have control over this and if we start to pay attention and have this intentional conscious choice every day that we’re doing to recognize, to separate our energetic space, and to feel protected inside of it – it’s such an important piece, right Willow?
Willow: Yes, absolutely! Yes, and it is actually remembering – I’m repeating what you said here, Julie – it’s remembering our value and our energy and how we’re feeling is just as important – it’s more important, really, that we have our own energy under of control in order to be of use to other people. By checking in “How do I feel? What do I need?” by getting used to remembering and used to valuing our feelings and therefore, “How is my energy right now? And is that my energy that I’m actually feeling?” - I think by checking in and having that sense of self-love and that intimate relationship with our own energy of how we’re actually feeling, the more that we can learn to identify what’s ours, the more that we can nurture that and be aware of when it gets sabotaged or hijacked.
Julie: Oh, that’s such a beautiful thing, remembering our value. I love that you said that, Willow. It’s so important to understand your value and I love seeing the growth of members in the Sensitive Empowerment Community and all the things we’ve been talking about along the way. I see such changes in all of you. It reminds me of my own journey of coming from a place of just feeling out of control, having anxiety, having depression, feeling like there’s something wrong with me to really changing my own sense of value and understanding. I didn’t even know myself because I was so merged with everybody and everything around me! And when we’re merged like that, we don’t even make good decisions about who we spend time around. The fact is, setting boundaries, recognizing that “Yeah, every time I’m around this particular person, I just feel awful” - these are things to understand about yourself that not only do you have that right but I think we have a responsibility to do this, to protect our energy because then you’re able to shine in the world and all that value comes through.
To see so many of you starting your own businesses and starting to go out in the world and feel more empowered in general. That’s the thing – when you’re connected to yourself like that and you’re getting good at protecting that energetic space, it feels really good and really empowering.
Willow: Wow, yes! Absolutely right. That is our default setting. That’s the default setting that we should all be aiming for to have on a daily basis within our morning practice, when we’re doing our grounding, when we’re in our self-care schedule -however that looks for us – that sense of personal empowerment, stillness and peace inside of our selves, that’s our default setting. When we’re honoring that and valuing that and nurturing that, then as soon as we come into contact with someone who has a lower vibration – perhaps someone we’ve been friends with for years or someone who’s just not healthy for us to be around – we immediately notice “Whoa whoa whoa, hang on a minute. This isn’t a healthy place for me to be engaging with.” Not to say that we necessarily need to shut them out of our lives but it does mean perhaps that we do need to limit our time with them or manage somehow to lessen the effect that that kind of energy is having on us.
I just noticed Carla you said “Oh my God Willow, do you have a specific practice or visualization for this sheath or turning off the light? Would you suggest we come up with our own practice?” Just as a read that, I was starting to feel what I’m actually doing. I’m just going to describe it. If you were to imagine if you had a rubber band or a springy bit of rubber – if it’s up in front of you but it’s pinned to the ground, the way I do it is that I actually pull it from the ground down. So I pull this sensation of this internal piece of rubber coming down and what it does is closes down over me. I only tend to need it on my front. Then it completely shuts off my interaction with the outside world - if that makes sense.
Julie: Oh interesting, I actually do it in my front too, now that I think about it. So we’re talking about a similar thing but in a way, yours is a bit closer to your body and mine is about a foot or two away from my body. That’s interesting. And explore it in different ways. All of you listening – explore how each thing feels. It’s possible you might find one you really love or that you use with particular people but I think that it’s a powerful conversation to talk about the intention of all of this. This is intentional that we do this and we’re aware of it. The more that you stay connected to that internal place and get to know that internal place inside of you, the more you become aware of when you need it too. So there’s a feeling – I always listen to my body, my body tells me everything I need when I’m listening – and it will tell you what you need. What’s really great is if you listen when it’s whispering instead of having to wait until it’s screaming at you. Right?
Willow: Yes! You just hit the nail on the head with that word “intention” – oh my goodness. That is absolutely key to it. Intention and Focus. One of the biggest pieces that I can possibly share – and I’m sure you’ll agree – is the actual awareness – and this might sound an obvious thing - but I really invite all of you beautiful people to really check in with yourself when I say this right now. You are in control of your own energy.
Julie: Yes, yes, yes.
Willow: It sounds obvious but actually with the power of intention and focus, we are in control of what we’re doing with our energy.
Julie: That’s so powerful. It isn’t obvious for so many of us. It didn’t use to be obvious for me. I didn’t think that I had control over this and I thought that I would live this out-of-control existence all the time. I still remember one of the first times I learned about all of this, I started crying. Literally, just sobbing because somebody had given me a ladder out of this area where I was drowning.
It’s so powerful to recognize that you do have control over this and that there’s so much to share with you guys about all of this. There’s going to be people in your life that – I call it, have a hole in their bucket – and it doesn’t matter how much you put in their bucket. It’s never enough. You have to recognize some of that and think about “Where are my energy points going?”
I like to think of it in terms of energy points too. Are you waking up with 100 points of energy? And if you’re not, we’ve got to look at sleep issues, for example. If you imagine you are waking up with 100 points of energy, where’s that going? Are you putting 70 points of energy into a particular person that has a hole in their bucket? That’s a waste of energy. That’s a waste of your precious energy. Your energy is so precious. I’ve seen this without a doubt over and over again with HSPs. The more we recognize the value of our own energy, the more we raise our own vibration and that’s actually what helps the world.
Willow: Yes, wow! Absolutely right. Absolutely. An interestingly, it comes back again to intention in what you’re saying there Julie. If I’m spending 70 points of my energy trying to fill a bucket that’s got a hole in someone else, what’s the intention behind my action of doing that? If it’s based in fear and if we’re trying to fill a bucket of someone else’s, that is an act of fear because – whilst we may think “Yes, I want to help that person” - actually that’s not really helping them. The better way to help them is to support them to fix the hole and be an example to them of how to be an energy and feed them energy from a place of love and empowerment. So if we’re doing things with our energy that aren’t working, we’re draining. What is the intention and the focus behind this action? From there, we can think “Ok, I shouldn’t be doing that.”
Julie: Yeah, and sometimes it’s not our responsibility to fix their hole. Sometimes we can’t. That’s their responsibility to understand just like it’s our responsibility to fix our hole, right? To put that energy towards that.
We’ve got a couple questions to answer because I thought they’d be great to talk about. Cecilia asks “Sometimes emotions or reactions can happen very quickly or automatically, almost before I can shield myself. Do you have suggestions on how to deal with that so the feeling doesn’t linger?” Aoife has a similar question “Do you have any advice when someone unexpectedly or suddenly impacts your energy?”
I’m so glad you asked those questions because it’s really not possible to always be able to make sure you’re protected and that you’re doing something wrong if something is impacting you. What I’ve personally found helpful is to keep paying attention to my body and my own energy because it’s telling me. So if I feel that jolt all of a sudden or perhaps – and I want to say something too about that – this is why the self care that we talk about all the time on all these episodes, are so crucial on a daily basis because then you’re starting out closer to your center. If you’re starting out closer to your center, you notice earlier when something’s impacting you. If you’re way off center, falling off the edge, you’re probably not going to notice as quickly and it’s going to be a lot harder for you to come back.
This is why we talk about the intentional self-care on a daily basis. The self-care, the grounding - all of that is such an important piece to keep you so you’ll notice it sooner. You’ll feel it and say “Wow, what is that?” Because I’ve been doing this for so long, I can notice it a lot sooner so I can do something about it earlier. That’s what it looks like. You’re always aware of your energy. It can change from day to day and the concept is to really value your self enough to prioritize it because that’s really how you’re going to help people in your life. I know so many of you out there are just constantly pouring your energy into other people’s buckets. But honestly, the most you can help someone is if your light is shining brightly and you’re practicing these tools because you’re being a role model for them.
Willow: Yeah, wow, beautifully said. This is such a good question as well. The question is “How do I be ready for or handle a sudden onslaught of negative energy or someone else’s energy?” I can relate to this so much. I spent so much of my adult early development being on guard. Thinking “What’s coming next? What’s coming next?” As HSPs, we feel so deeply and difficult emotion for us is particularly tricky because we feel it so deeply.
What I’ve come to realize that has come to help me so much is that I cannot control the flow of feeling of energy, even in myself and in people around me. Actually, I don’t know if any of you guys can relate to this but I actually am experiencing a flow of energy from the left hand side of my body all of the time. I’ve come to realize - through help and support and awareness of this – it’s the flow of life coming to me.
For so much of my life, I would do everything I could to try to stop that – “I don’t really want that flow of life, I just want to be in control of it and in control of my feelings and other people’s feelings” – and that’s not possible. We are not in control. We are in control of our own energy to a certain extent. However, we’re not in control of what’s going to come into our present awareness and we’re not necessarily in control of how we’re going to react to things. But what we are in control of is how grounded we are - and as Julie’s saying right now, to make sure that we’re valuing ourselves in the awareness that things are going to come our way anyway. But as long as we are putting these practices into place, “Am I responsible for this? Am I being blown off my feet or am I maintaining my grounding?” Therefore, we realize that actually, we do have an empowering, grounded default setting and therefore, what comes to us is not going to worry us so much because we know it’s not going to knock us off our feet each time.
Julie: Oh I love this conversation about flow, Willow. My goodness. I’m picturing that before I understood about grounding and centering, I would’ve described it as being on a bullet train of life – it was just going going going – I had no idea what paths were available to me, what I could choose. It was just moving so fast and all over the place. I found that the more grounded and centered I am, I’m able to notice the flow. I’m able to capture it more. It’s almost like I can stand in front of different paths – say I’m needing to make a decision, we’re taking in so much information that decisions can be difficult.
But if you’re in a grounded space and you’re aware of that flow – I also feel that Willow, I call it a download and I can get that when I’m working with a client, I can get that when I’m writing, anything where the flow downloads into me and I don’t even exactly know where it’s coming from but I accept it and I feel it. If I’m really struggling with a decision or something like that, I can stand in front of the different paths in front of me - say you have four paths in front of you - you can stand in front of each one of them and get a feel for how those paths make you feel and then you become very clear. “Nope, that’s not the path for me”.
I want to make sure I'm clear too. You have to take everybody out of your bucket and it’s just you. Not thinking about everybody else’s needs all the time but practicing thinking about what you need and what feels right to you intuitively and in that flow. And then you become really aware – it’s like entering a river, you just go with it and it feels so right, it feels so good. If it feels icky, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not the right path for you. The more you really pay attention to that on an intentional daily conscious basis, it’s actually very clear. Now I have such a clear vision of my flow.
Willow: I love that! Yes, wow, that’s amazing. That’s such a clear indication of what’s possible for all of us. For all of us that have the ability to feel energy and this flow to the extent that we do. All of us have the capacity to be able to make intelligent choices like you’ve just described there, Julie, and to be aware of the fact that the flow’s going to come anyway. The download’s going to come anyway, we can’t stop that. But the more that we can be in this place of grounding – like a tree in a strong wind – the more we get used to grounding and our roots will grow, the less the blast of the wind will knock us over or affect us. But you’re absolutely right, it is this intentional awareness that we have a choice and we can make a decision and we can follow what feels good in our hearts.
We know when things feel right and when things don’t feel right, and that actually is a very good indication as to whether we are in a pickle with our energy or with someone else’s. When it all just feels weird and odd and we just feel highly uncomfortable, that’s a very clear indication to check and say “Hang on a minute, what am I trying to take responsibility for here? What is mine and what is someone else’s? How am I actually feeling right now?” From that discernment, then we can get a clearer idea of how to manage it all better.
Julie: I love that, love that so much. And I love what Mary Ellen said “Julie, you are now the conductor, not a passenger.” That’s so awesome! Yes, I love that. That’s true too – we become the conductor of our own lives and things become so much more clear. But if I’m flying out in the world all over the place with no grounding, it’s actually not going to be as clear what my flow is or what path is right for me or who’s right for me. But really start to think about that.
I would suggest spending some time – and I really hope you guys are doing your meditation daily and your nature time daily and your grounding techniques and your self-compassion techniques and all the things we’ve been teaching you along the way – so that you can show up and know the difference that the separation of your energy feels like.
Also, Willow, what do you think about this? When my energy was merging so much before and I didn’t have that awareness, I felt like I didn’t know myself. I also didn’t love myself and I didn’t nurture myself because there was no separation of this energy. As soon as I was able to start practice that – and I say practice, because sometimes it does take practice to get good at it – to spend time inside of my energy that isn’t always merged with somebody. I went through this process of learning to love myself when I didn’t love myself before. I really didn’t love myself before. So to be able to separate that and start to get to know myself and my inner child more made me start caring for that inner child inside of me more and made me start loving her more. Then, every single decision that came after that was different because I was coming from a place that cared about myself.
Willow: Wow, yes! I couldn’t agree more, 100%. I think that is another foundational part of this. It does begin with self-love and having enough care and respect to want to look after our own energy. I love how you just describe that, it’s like - hang on a minute, rather than being washed in the big flow of energy, it’s thinking “How does my energy actually feel? What’s it like to be with myself? What’s it like to learn to have that intimacy with myself?” where I’m feeling how I actually feel. Like feeling out and growing out into our own space and having that thought “Wow, this is how I really feel about things. This is my inner world and inner reality.”
That total love and respect for our inner child - that just really hit me. Yes, it’s from that interest and care for ourselves that I think, then we realize “Hang on a minute, I’ve got my own energy. I’m not just this leaf in the wind. I am my own entity here and it’s worth something. It’s valuable.” I want to experience that kind of individuation.
Julie: Oh, absolutely. I love what Gwen said too in the comments just now. “I use my body as a pendulum to make decisions, standing quietly with eyes closed and consider each option one at a time. Does my body lean into the option or lean back and away from it?” That’s beautiful, right?
Willow: Yes! I use that very regularly. That’s a very clever technique. It’s actually fascinating how that works. I use that a lot. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried it, Julie, but if you stand with your knees slightly bent and ask a question, your body naturally falls very very gentle one way or the other. It’s amazing how it works! It’s almost like an intuitive indication of your body moving in the way that you intuitively feel about something. For me, it’s a very clear yes and a very clear no.
And something else I do as well – don’t know if anyone else does this, I’ll be fascinated to know if anyone else does this as well – I can also ask myself, and it can only ever be a yes or no question – but I can ask myself a yes or no question and I get a feeling in my chest as to whether it’s a yes or a no. I get this very strong expansion in my chest when something’s a yes and I feel this contraction when something’s a no. I’m not in control of it; it’s something I call upon that works in service to me.
Julie: Yes, oh my gosh, I love that. I have the same experience. This is where if you keep doing these practices every day, you become really aware of it. Also, when you’re separating your energy, you become more aware of it. So that feeling of expansion versus constriction, I have that so strongly now. It’s so interesting. When something’s making me feel expansive, it’s a “Yes, I know I’m on the right path” and when something’s making me feel constricted, I like to do that pause and reflect thing “What is that? What’s happening there? Let me understand this a little bit better.” I think that’s such a powerful thing.
I like what Becca M. says “Interest, care and respect for ourselves.” Absolutely. And Mary Ellen says “I think another key to self-love is realizing being different does not mean deficient.” Absolutely, that’s a huge one! Our trait is a gift. “Realizing that helped me more than anything. All of the self-care in the world couldn’t make up for feeling like something was wrong with me for needing to do so.” Absolutely!
I think so many of us as HSPs have been given that message that being different is wrong and we are changing that message, one HSP at a time. We’re going into the world and recognizing that these are gifts, this trait evolved for a reason. It evolved for the survival strategy of the population. You have gifts that are absolutely needed in the world and hopefully these tools that we teach along the way help you to really harness those gifts more. To reduce the challenges, harness those gifts so that you can go out into the world and raise your vibration, raise the vibration of your family, your community, and the world. Right, Willow?
Willow: Yeah, absolutely right! And it really is recognizing that all of this – this whole ability that we’ve been discussing today about energy – is all because we have this gift to be able to feel it to the extent that we feel it. If we were having this conversation in a hotel foyer with 40 people in there, 80% of the people would not have a clue what we were talking about! It is absolutely amazing that we have this ability! I cannot emphasize more about getting interested in it.
I know Robin that you just asked a question there but we’re coming to time. It is about getting fascinated and interested in “How is this ability serving me?” Each of us has our own unique way of utilizing this ability of feeling energy so deeply. As you get interested in it and consider and learn how it works for you, you will be able to see how you can use it in service for other people, in sessions, transformations, whatever it may be that fascinates you. I can guarantee that you have a particular angle on it that you’re really good at that will help you recognize your value and how you can be of service in the world.
Julie: Yes, and if you think about the sensitivity for example, so many of us got the message that that somehow equals weak or fragile. That’s wrong. If you think about it in terms of a lab test, you want a lab test to have a high level of sensitivity because it’s more accurate. So I want you think of yourself like that, you have a high level of sensitivity for a reason. The intuition that you have is most likely accurate, especially if you’re protecting your energy. Even if someone tells you that they don’t experience that, or you’re wrong, don’t listen to them. Listen to your intuition, it’s always there to guide you.
Willow: Yes, 100%. Trust it. Trust these feelings that you have. Trust this ability because it is here to serve you. It’s here for a good reason. It’s here to serve you and others. Own it. It’s powerful, it’s beautiful and it’s meant to be.
Julie: Yes, it’s meant to be. We’re going to have to have more conversations like this. It’s so great and there’s so many wonderful things in the chats too. Willow, is there anything else that you want to make sure we cover before we say goodbye today?
Willow: Loads! But I think we’ll have to have another session because I love how much you guys are interacting here. If there’s anything we haven’t covered or any burning questions, please do reach out to us. But yes, for today I feel like we’ve covered some amazing ground here. Thank you so much to you guys for being with us today.
Julie: Let’s continue this conversation. For those of you listening, you can make comments on these episodes. I’d love for you to go to HSPodcast.com, make comments on this episode. Let us know what you love, let us know what you want us to talk about. We’re here for you and please help other HSPs find this podcast and these episodes. Thank you to those of you who have been sharing the episodes and reviewing the episodes because when we get these reviews, it helps more HSPs find the podcast. So please share share share – it will help HSPs.
If you want to join our amazing Sensitive Empowerment Community to come to these weekly events that we do together, it’s really so much fun and such a beautiful space. You can find out information about the community, all the HSP resources that I have, including that free sensitivity quiz. Let us know if you score high on that sensitivity and you’re most likely an HSP Empath like a lot of us are. You can find all of that at JulieBjelland.com Thank you SEC for your beautiful, energy, your comments that always enrich our experiences. Just love and adore you guys so much. I’m so inspired by your commitment to growth and empowerment by being here, by participating. It’s so beautiful, you’re raising the vibration of the world and I feel it everyday from you.
So thank you, and thank you, Willow, you’re such a special person and we really enjoy these conversations with you. We have so many wonderful conversations if you love the talks that Willow and I do. If you go to HSPpodcast.com you’ll see a link that says ‘Julie and Willow’ and you’ll see the ones that we’ve done together and I definitely recommend listening to them. We’ve had some wonderful conversations, right, Willow?
Willow: Absolutely! It’s such a pleasure to be a part of this. I love it so much. Once again, thank you everyone for being here today, it really makes such a difference to have your support and your intention to spread this work into the world because it’s so needed. We are making a huge difference and that’s so encouraging.
Julie: Yes, spread the word of how important and beautiful this trait is. We’re going to change the world, I just know it. You all take good care of ourselves and we’ll see you in the community. Bye everybody!
About the Hosts
Julie Bjelland is the founder of Sensitive Empowerment. As a sensitivity expert and psychotherapist, her books, online courses, and Sensitive Empowerment Community have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Known for her ability to teach HSPs proven brain-training tools that work quickly, Julie is on a mission to empower sensitive people to live their best lives. For more HSP resources and to take Julie’s free Sensitivity Quiz, visit JulieBjelland.com
Highly sensitive people thrive quickly with the right tools and I have loved helping highly sensitive people (HSPs) around the world reduce anxiety and thrive to their fullest potential. The techniques I have developed come from years of working with highly sensitive people all over the world and have been extremely successful for the clients and students I work with. Our life gets a lot better and so does the life of those around us when we are thriving and your sensitive self is beautiful and valuable. We need you in the world. ~Julie
Willow McIntosh is the founder of Inluminance and leader of the High Sensory Intelligence movement. Unique circumstances during Willow’s childhood lead to the burying of his authentic self and complete misalignment to the work he was destined for. He began to carve his own path into understanding how people with sensory processing sensitivity can learn to use their genetic traits to their advantage. As an adult this lead to a lifelong enquiry and practise into learning powerful energetic alignment techniques to re-engage with the authentic self. Willow believes that all people with the trait have the ability to tap into a unique skill that draws on a deeper sensory perception. Founded in their own life experience and self development they have the capacity to facilitate great transformation and development in others. Willow is on a mission to awaken us to the responsibility we have to utilise the abilities it affords in business, governments and leadership. Having successfully facilitated the development of seven figure businesses Willow’s practise has taken him all over the world. Speaking internationally, training in a broad range of fields and facilitating others for more than twenty years. Willow now specialises in facilitating people with the trait to activate them into service in alignment with their gifts and purpose and to support them to take their own businesses to the next level towards automation and leadership.
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Resources & Links Mentioned in Episode
To take Julie’s free sensitivity quiz, explore her books and courses for the sensitive and learn tools to reduce the challenges and access your gifts, visit www.juliebjelland.com.
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